Bad Timing
by CatrinHope
Summary: AU. In Severus' OWL year he was arrested after being framed for four murders. Fates didn't smile on him then, they don't smile on him two years later when he was released. Instead of hunting down those who framed him like he planned, he is forced to fight in the first major wizarding war. The story of how Severus Snape became a Death Eater
1. Chapter 1

AN; Hey, this is my first real attempt at fanfic so be kind. Also if you recognise any of the names, then they're not my characters.

There is no major slash in this, only minor and that only appears half way through. Romance really isn't in this not like it is in most fanfics, there is implied sex, but I think as smutty as this is going to get, sorry if that wasn't what you were looking for, otherwise, enjoy!

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_It was pouring down with rain as she looked upon the figure's soaked face. He took another step towards her and she took this as a sign that she could touch him. She laid a hand on his cold sallow cheek. Yes he was there, he was real. 'Just not yet.' _Lily opened her eyes and sighed. It was bad enough that she was trapped inside Potter manor with nothing to do, now her mind was just tempting her to go outside. The visions had been a common thing, ever since she was ten, but sometimes she could never tell the difference between the vision and just her simple day dreaming. She rubbed her eyes, the weight in her gut reminding her of how much she truly missed her childhood friends, _'__both of them,'_ She took her hands away from her face and rubbed them together despite the warmth. She couldn't risk going out, given her…status. She pursed her lips and looked out the window. She must have had them closed for a long time as it was now starting to rain heavily. She sat bolt upright, looking out of the window onto the acres surrounding Potter Manor and beyond them was the forest. The forest he'd appear out of. No it was a coincidence, she shouldn't risk it, but hell she was going to.

"It's raining," she said,

"Yes honey, I can see that." Her fiancé said, half distracted by the Daily Prophet in front of him. Only when she had got up and started to head outside did he look up. "Hey wait-" was all she heard before she was out the door and running into the downpour. She reached the forest where she knew he would step out. So she waited and waited and by now she was very cold and irritated, if he didn't show up soon she would-

There he was, he appeared as suddenly and as silently as ever. She started to wonder if she should have told James. What if he wasn't here to see an old friend? She stopped this train of thought when he stepped into the light. He looked old or at least older than expected. He had a growing beard where there had been no beard before. He had huge bags under his eyes; the eyes themselves seemed to have aged decades. But it was the same person. Same sallow skin, hooked nose and twisted smirk that was, at the moment, filled with relief. He stepped forward more of him now out of the dark. Yes, he was real this time.

"Hello Severus."

His smirk grew and he whispered, "Hello to you too,"

"I trust this is a friendly visit," she gave a small laugh, "I hope."

He smiled but with Severus you never knew if this was a good or bad sign.

"Yes it is, I merely wished to visit you, to tell you I was out,"

"Evidently," she said, looking him up and down. The clothes he was wearing were hanging off his frame loosely and were barely rags. "Come on, you must be freezing," she tried to put an arm around his shoulders. As soon as her arm touched his skin, he flinched and moved out of touching distance. She stopped walking, waiting for any signs of a panic attack or one of those mental illnesses she'd read about in her last year.

"I apologise, human contact hasn't really been a good thing in-" he seemed to realise in that moment, how long he had been in Azkaban, "two years," he said finally.

"It's ok," she forced a smile on to her face, "I understand," she added, absentmindedly, making a note to kill all those involved in putting Severus in Azkaban. Slowly they walked back up to the house and even more slowly Severus inched his way back to Lily's side.

"So..." she said breaking the silence, "when you say you got out, is that legally or... illegally?"

He smirked. "Legally,"

Lily didn't ask how, she knew he would tell her when he wanted to. It didn't take long.

"There is no way I could have committed all the crimes acquitted to me, the times were too close together, but all the evidence points to me, which means I was framed," he sneered, "Problem was they couldn't tell which ones I'd been framed for and which ones I'd actually done... but of course that didn't mean they didn't want to make me rot for..." his lips thinned, "two years."

"So, does that mean you're going to find out who framed you?"

He shrugged. "Perhaps, it would be nice to make them pay for what I had to suffer,"

Lily licked her lips anxiously, "But that's four murders, how are you-"

"Three,"

Lily stopped, eyebrows raised, wondering which one he had...

"You won't tell anyone... will you?" he tried to keep his voice neutral and bitter, but he was a fool to believe Lily couldn't tell he was worried. She had to smile at his foolishness.

"Do I look like a tiny golden ball with wings?"

His smirk grew wider and more twisted, "No,"

"Good, 'cause that would be weird. You have no idea who framed you then?"

He shook his head and Lily let out a shaky breathe as she opened the back door to let him in. He shook his matted hair of raindrops like a dog, while Lily called out, "James I'm back. And I've… I've brought a visitor."

James looked up from the Daily Prophet he had been reading. It was just another paper filled article upon article about the rising tensions between Purists and Muggleborns and how war was going to break out any day now. And James couldn't wait, not that he wanted Muggles to suffer, it was that he really wanted to kick some pureblood ass. What he wouldn't give to put Siri's stuck-up cousins into Azkaban where they belonged.

"Who is it?" he called, heading into the kitchen where his fiancée voice had come from. There standing next to Lily, was a much older looking Severus Snape. He whipped out his wand as he felt a jolt go through his heart of both fear and anger. Snape did the same, his eyes narrowing. _'He couldn't know, could he?'_

"Now both of you!" Lily began scowling, "Put your wands down!"

"Lily step away from him, he's a murderer!"

"He's my friend!" Lily retorted, "He was framed,"

James felt in a lump form in his throat,

"Do...do you know who?"

"No," Snape said simply, before lowering his wand, and after a glare from Lily, James did the same.

"Now Severus is just here to say hello and we're going to be good hosts, so," she clapped her hands together and smiled at Snape, "Severus would you like to sit down?"

The Potter Manor was smaller than most pureblood Manors, so the living room was also small, almost Muggle sized, but that made it no less luxurious; it had bending floor boards under foot, plush furniture and a huge hearth. Snape surveyed it all before sitting on the armchair and picking up the Daily Prophet James had been reading. He glared at Snape, but he took no notice, now engrossed in an article about the dangers of the Dark Arts. He only looked up when Lily said,

"So... you want anything? A drink? Something to eat? Anything at all?"

"Perhaps an exit?" If looks could kill James would have keeled over at the sight of the daggers Lily sent at him.

"Some soup would be nice, thank you," Lily's glare turned into a smile, yet it was still directed at James, which made him believe he was now in even more trouble.

"Well you heard the man go make him some soup," and before he could protest, Lily had bustled him out the door and had shut it in his face. He stared at the door incredulously before turning around, cursing that his wife hated the use of house elves.

Severus folded the newspaper back up as Lily sat down beside him after she'd got rid of Potter so they could talk. He looked over at her, with wary eyes before talking.

"What's been going on since I left?"

"Well... James proposed in seventh year which was nice, I got pretty good N.E.W.T. scores-"

"I meant about the war,"

"Oh," Lily felt disappointed; she didn't want to discuss this, not with Severus, "Well nothing has started yet, a lot of disappearances, no murders, so..." she shrugged, "But any day now. Have you spoken to anyone?"

"Because you know I had such an active social life in Azkaban," he said dryly, "No-one visited me, half of my friends think I murdered their loved ones, the other half didn't want to be associated with a murderer," he sighed, "Not at times like now...so what about you?" Lily raised her eyebrows confused, "Have you seen any of my friends... or _family_?" her eyes darkened, and she_really _didn't want to discuss this.

"She and I chose different paths; I haven't spoken to her since fifth year,"

"Huh, same," he chuckled slightly, but Lily didn't find it amusing. "Look don't you think that-" he stopped as James entered the room with a steaming bowl of soup. He seemed very tempted to just throw it in his face if it weren't for Lily's eyes watching him.

"Soup," he stated as he held it out to Severus,

"Well observed Potter," he drawled, but grabbed the bowl and drank from it like a starving man, which he probably was.

"Thank you," he muttered, putting the now empty bowl down.

"Now you can leave."

"James!"

"What I don't like him in my house, I mean, what's he even here for?"

"I've _told_ you, to say hello,"

"Okay how did he get through the wards?" Lily sat facing James before turning round to face Severus. He surveyed the two of them before stating,

"That's for me to know and you to not,"

"How did you know I was here?" Lily asked, now curious.

"Your sister told me, Rose came to get me out once they released me." James, who had no interest in where the conversation was now going, shook his soon-to-be-wife's arm until she looked at him, so he could continue his argument,

"How can you be friends with him, after what his family has done to you?"

Lily's eyes flashed, "He's not his sister,"

"I beg to differ," James said laughing slightly as Severus glared at him, unnoticed by the other.

"Still not his sister! And can we all stop bring Samantha up?" She glared at Severus; "Anyway," she turned her daggers back to James, "In times like this we need to keep our friends, no matter how unlikely they are." Lily said nothing; instead she leaned back on the sofa, her eyes rolling unto her head. Both men tensed, knowing what this meant. Lily did this when she was Seeing. It was usually something important, something big, but that didn't mean-

"Turn on the radio," Lily said suddenly. James leaned forward and turned the dial of the radio on the coffee table.

"Breaking news! This morning on his way to work, Rupert Balding, Head Auror was murdered by a killing curse sent by a man that was described by eye witnesses to be a pale man with red eyes, who was surrounded by men in black hooded cloaks and silver masks. He announced to the horrified crowd that his name was Lord Voldemort, his actual identity is still unknown, and the men surrounding him were his so-called Death Eaters. After a large and somewhat cliqued proclamation of pureblood rights, Voldemort went on to kill fourteen more people from the crowd that had gathered, before apparating, along with his Death Eaters." The reporter coughed, clearly uncomfortable at saying the silly names, "'This is an act of war,' the minister for Magic said in his office earlier this morning, 'And if this man wants war, he will have it. As of now we are at war against this man and his band of so called Death Eaters. If anyone sees one these Death Eaters as described, they mus-' James switched it off. War, it seemed much more frightening now it was actually upon them. He checked his wand holster to see if it was still there.

"That was foolish," James jumped forgetting that Snape was there. He had his wand out and for a moment James thought Severus was going to attack him. But he was only checking his wand, before putting it back in his pocket,

"What was foolish?"

"Him. Calling war, he had no idea how many Death Eaters there are, or how powerful they'll be, and they will be powerful, they'll be using Dark Magic, much better than your _light_ magic,"

James' eyes narrowed. "Oh you'd know, you-"

"Potter this is not the time, we're at _war_,"

"That's not all," Lily whispered, "I Saw them, those Death Eaters, they're coming to our front door. They're here to kill us." James leapt up, wand in hand, trained on Snape.

"He led them here! He somehow broke the wards without us knowing," he accused.

"I didn't break them, I got through them!"

"Stop James, he didn't do it,"

"And how do you know that?"

"It would make no sense, if he did break them we would know,"

"But he must have got through them somehow!"

"But Death Eaters will break them, just wait." It was unnerving how calm she was.

"How come you didn't see that we were going to be at war today?" he shouted, moving his wand onto Lily in panic.

"I did! Last week, I just didn't tell you because...well this would happen." He was about to retort when an alarm bell started ringing.

"They're broken the first ward," Severus said, getting up with his wand in hand. James jumped again and had his wand in Snape's face.

"Oh James, stop that!" Lily snapped, seeming a bit too calm, given the situation, as she drew her wand.

"Now go to the door, I'll be there in a minute, and Severus," she turned to Severus using her wand to emphasise her instructions.

"You got into our wards, now get out of them,"

"But I want to help you fight!"

Lily put a hand to his cheek, "They don't know what side you're on yet," his lips thinned, "Run Severus." By the time Lily got to the door, the Death Eaters had already undone three of the four wards surrounding the Manor and were now walking up to the front door. The four ward being the anti-apparation one, preventing their escape. Not that James wanted to run, he gripped his wand tighter, and he wanted to show these bastards who they were dealing with. He looked at Lily and saw that in her free hand was a dark green avocado shaped muggle object with a ring on top of it.

"What's that?" he hissed at her, but she was too busy casting a shield over them, "You know that type of shield doesn't protect you from spells right?"

"Of course I know that!" she snapped but still too calm given the situation, "That's the reason I'm casting it-don't!" she put her hand up when James opened his mouth, "It would take too long to explain, just trust me and keep them talking." James, being as stubborn as he was, was about to ask her what the hell she was doing anyway, when there came a knock from the door in front of them. This took them both by surprise, having not expected that purebloods hell-bent on killing muggles would be so polite. In shock James stupidly called out,

"Who is it?" He winced and Lily rolled her eyes.

"Potter, we know you're in there," someone called through the door, James, now holding back a retort about their stupidity. "And so is your Mudblood, if you bring her out and give her to us, we won't kill you," James bit his tongue at the unspoken threat of his fiancée's life. He looked at her, wondering how she could look so bored, she nodded at him and he called out,

"Alright, we're coming out."

There were six of them. Like described on the radio, they were all wearing black hooded cloaks and were wearing silver masks. The masks themselves had strong chins and high cheekbones, it somehow made James even more angry than the fact they were trying to kill his fiancée. Lily stood beside him, her jaw clenched but keeping a firm glare on the supposed leader. James looked at the one in front, was this Lord Voldemort?

"Hand over the Mudblood, Potter!"

"Never!" he spat,

"And what makes you think he even has the right, to hand me over?" Lily said offended,

"You should learn to hold your tongue Mudblood!" a man behind the leader shouted, threatening her with his wand. James tried to put himself in front of her, but Lily pushed him away again.

"Your foolish courage is what will end you Mudblood," the woman in front grounded out, "Just you-" Lily threw the muggle object, now ring free, into the group of Death Eaters. James tensed, but nothing happened.

"Your little tricks failed, hasn't it?" the woman said, and James could even hear her sneer.

Lily just shrugged. "I guess so,"

"Now-" but the woman was interrupted again as the muggle object somehow - James until his dying day would not know exactly how it worked – exploded. The Death Eaters were thrown out and their robes caught on fire, but Lily and James were safe inside their bubble.

"What in hell-"

"James if you're going to question everything about Muggles that confuses you, we might as well let the Purists win, now come on!" Lily had grabbed James and pulled him across the gravel path leading to the exit of the Potter territory and away from the wards. James started to wonder if now would be an okay time to reveal to Lily that he was an illegal animagus when a spell flew over his head, destroying one of the stone statues that lined the driveway. They twirled back around to see three of the Death Eaters, including the woman leader, who's mask had fallen away to reveal the deranged face of Bellatrix Black.

"I forgot you wizards are so robust," Lily muttered, while silently stupefying one of the Death Eaters. Bellatrix, looking as furious as ever, shot a spell at Lily which was promptly deflected. And so the fight began, James would have happily watched Lily fight as he found it weirdly exhilarating, if it wasn't for the other, still masked, Death Eater that was throwing curse after curse at James. He didn't seem to be at the same level as Bellatrix, who seemed to be trying to kill Lily as creatively as Lily was trying to disarm her. The man was just sending the same fire curse, and James finally got to project it back at the right angle so it hit him, setting his fire smoking robes on fire.

"Vermillious!"

Lily fell to the ground in pain as James successfully stupefied the distracted Death Eater,

"Lily!" he fell to the floor beside her. Only too late did he realise his error, in his haste he had dropped his wand and now Bellatrix was looming over them.

"Avada-" A blinding flash of light in front of James blocked the curse and sent Bellatrix flying backwards. James took his chance and seized his wand off the floor again, but by the time he'd turned around Bellatrix had gone, along with four other Death Eaters. _'__Odd,'_ he turned back to Lily and the pile of ash that had a tiny ugly chick's head peeping out of it,

"Fawkes," Lily uttered, taking heavy breaths but otherwise seemed unharmed. She pointed at a locket that was protruding out of the ash, still finding it hard to talk she choked out the word, "Portkey."

James nodded, though confused, yet he still scooped up the baby Fawkes and grabbed hold of his fiancée. There was a pull at his navel and moments later he found himself on a warm stone floor next the frayed boots of Severus Snape.

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Please Review, will be uploading again in a week!


	2. Chapter 2

Next Chapter! I think I forgot to say in the other that although this is a AU it will get mostly follow the books timeline. So everyone who dies will die, Snape will be at Hogwarts teaching at the end and all OC mentioned will probably die or go missing or something like that. With that said, major OOC in this chapter and mentions of OCs, probably some other stuff but I can't remember. Hope you enjoy!

"Glad to see you could stop by Potter," Snape drawled above him. James just ignored him as he pulled Lily, who still had a hand over her stomach, to her feet. When he looked back at the floor for Fawkes though, he was nowhere to be seen.

"Don't worry, Mr Potter," a kind familiar voice said, "no matter how weak Fawkes is, he will always find a way back to his perch."

He looked round to see the Headmaster of Hogwarts, stroking the baby Fawkes. He looked a lot older than when James had last seen him, graver. Even the pictures on the walls seemed alert and concerned, none of them feigning sleep. James swallowed, checking his wand.

"How did you know we were under attack?" Lily asked, through gritted teeth, lowering herself onto a chair.

Dumbledore smiled at her, then at Snape, "Our dear Severus told me. Somehow getting through the Hogwarts wards…it would be very interesting to know how you did it."

"My little secret Dumbledore."

"Pity," he sighed, but didn't push him, instead turned to the other two, "Is there any information that you could give me about these… Death Eaters?"

"One of them is Bellatrix Black, Siri's cousins,"

Dumbledore didn't seem in any way surprised, "It is Lestrange now and she and her husband went into hiding after the war was announced and, like so many _good_ witches and wizards, finding them is near impossible,"

James sighed, defeated that he couldn't give Dumbledore any good information, before he remembered, "There was a Death Eater left; they somehow all woke up and got out of there but they left-"

"They're dead," Lily spoke with sudden harshness, James turned to face her. She was now seemingly, trying to squeeze the life out of Snape's hand. Dumbledore seemed to only now just notice the pain Lily was in and promptly stood up.

"Where are my manners? Miss Evans, Madam Pomfrey will gladly see to you," he said as he helped her up and started to usher both James and Lily out.

"As your previous home is now a dangerous place to live, I have put my best House Elves in charge of moving all your things to a more…private home in Godric's Hollow. When I and Mr Snape have had our conversation we shall come down and show you to your new home," He then smiled his grandfatherly smile and shut the door. Only now did James let his worry for Lily take over as he rushed to her side to help her climb down the stairs.

"Are you alright?"

Lily glared at him, "Only when I collapse dead, will I allow you to worry about me, James Potter, I can take care of myself,"

He smiled slightly, "Do you think Dumbledore's going to try and convince him to join the light?" he asked looking back down the corridor at the eagle statue. Lily nodded. "How do you think he'll do that?" James muttered,

"You don't want to know," Lily muttered back, but too quietly for James to hear.

Severus stayed exactly where he was as Dumbledore closed the door and strode back round to his desk,

"Severus, please sit down," Dumbledore said kindly beaming at Severus. He sat down on the offered chair, "Sherbet Lemon?" Severus had always declined these whenever he was called up into Dumbledore's office. But now, as he looked down at the balls of sweetness, he realised he hadn't eaten anything sweet in…two years. He took one, put it in his mouth and promptly spat it out as the flavours burnt his tongue. Dumbledore barely batted an eyelid at this.

"Maybe just Pumpkin juice," Dumbledore said, as a glass appeared, still smiling that overly kind smile that sickened Severus. He wondered if Dumbledore had smiled that way during his trial, when they had wanted him to serve life. Severus at the time had been too afraid to look up at his accusers, he now stared one of them in the face, knowing he'd never feel emotions that strongly ever again. _'__Azkaban took that from me, because of you, old man,'_

Dumbledore steepled his fingers. "Severus, you are meant to be just a child, yet you are not, so I will speak bluntly with you. I need you on the light's side. I cannot have you becoming loyal to Lord Voldemort."

"Why does it matter?"

"Because he will kill countless numbers, you know that."

"All I know is he didn't try to sentence me to life in Azkaban."

Dumbledore sighed and closed his eyes,

"What makes you think I'll join your side?"

"Love."

"Love?" Severus chuckled, "I can't feel love anymore."

"Love isn't an emotion; it's a compulsion, an obsession. Love is what made you come here to tell me that Lily and James were in danger. And love is what will convince you to spy for the light."

"You want me to spy, how will you make me do that?" he asked, eyebrow raised.

"_Boy_," Dumbledore began. _'__So much for treating me like an adult,'_ "this is my school and not a lot escapes my notice." Severus smirked at this; he had been expecting Dumbledore to use her against him.

"Lil's sister Rose told me that Johanna is now married to the Black mutt. Do you honestly think I still have any feelings for her?" he said with such disdain that he almost believed it himself. Almost.

"Yes she started going out with Sirius, almost as soon as you were arrested,"

_'__Is he now trying to torture me to the light side?'_ "Two months later she announced she was pregnant with Sirius' baby. _Six months _later she gave birth to a baby that shouldn't have been born for another three months." Severus sat up straighter, blood pounding in his ears, he couldn't be. Dumbledore couldn't be threating him with his own- "Now of course they have been moved to the safety of the Headquarters of the Order of the Phoenix, but unfortunately to get in requires being a member,"

"And let me guess," Severus whispered, fury boiling in his gut, "to become a member…I must become a spy."

"I'm glad you understand me Severus," Dumbledore said, standing up, still smiling, yet now Severus thought it looked a lot more sinister. "I hope you see sense Severus. Your daughter is too nice a girl to never be able to see her father."

"So let me get this straight," Severus closed his eyes, begging God for some form of patience with Potter. He then opened his eyes and resumed shaving, "You're becoming a spy…why?"

Severus rolled his eyes, "Can't a man become a spy out of the _goodness_ of his heart?"

"You can't." Severus glared at him until James put his hands up as a sign of surrender. Severus thought Potter would leave him alone after that. But of course, fate never shined kindly on Severus. "Why are you here?"

"I thought even a dunderhead such as yourself Potter could figure that out. I am clearly shaving."

"No, why are you _here_? Surely you have a home to go to."

"Potter-" he started to warn but was interrupted.

"I mean if you wanted to find this Voldemort, surely you'd start at the house of your crazed muggle hating pureblood parents," _'__Potter always did have a death wish," _

"Actually _Potter_, my mother married a muggle, my father." He refused to mention that his older brother, if not his sister, had killed his father if they had wished to join Voldemort. _'__Not that I loved him, the drunken fool.'_ Potter was now silent, thankfully, with his mouth open. Instinctively, Severus reached forward and shut it. The look of Potter's face was comical or at least would have been if it wasn't for the hurt Severus was feeling, _'__You look more like your sister than you know Potter,'_ he thought, though did not say it out loud; he did not want a fist in the face today. He turned back around and started washing his face.

"I'm…sorry," Potter fell silent again as Severus dried his face, "so…what's your plan, to become a Death Eater?"

"Go back to my parent's house of course," he said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world as he moved past James to find Lily.

"What?"

"But you said-"

"I know what I said, I said that my parents aren't exactly Purists, but…you're right," he said the last two words through gritted teeth, "it's the best place to start looking." He then entered Lily's bedroom and shut the door in Potter's face. James stared at the door, wondering what the thing was with people slamming does in his face at the moment.

"Hey Lily, I'm heading- what is that?" he stopped, staring at the dazzlingly white dress that Lily was hanging off of the mirror,

"It's my wedding dress," her smile fell, "why? Does it look good? Well…_does it?_" Severus panicked unsure how proceed,

"I imagine it does," he said bored, knowing that he was stepping on eggshells, "I just didn't know you were getting married,"

She started beaming again, "Yeah soon too. You should come!"

"No he shouldn't," James shouted through the door but he was ignored.

"You could walk me down the aisle."

"But isn't that-" Severus stopped, remembering Mr Evan's state when he had last seen him. He quickly wrapped his arms around her, she seemed very surprised by the gesture, neither of them used to hugging one to another, but she still threw her arms around him.

"Has anyone…anyone else died since I was arrested?"

"Daisy."

Severus closed his eyes and hugged her closer. He had not known Daisy like he had known Lily and Rose, but he knew it must have been horrible for Lil.

She pushed away, "It's been a long time; I'm done with my crying Severus…and my anger." She put a hand to his cheek, "go." The bedroom door swung open and James entered, yet when he looked around the room, he could see no Snape, only Lily, next to the open window.

"He went out the _window_?" Lily turned to face him, smiling.

"That's how Harry-_Severus_ used to visit me in the summer holiday, you see," she stepped towards the bed to continue unpacking, "my father never approved of him," she got out a handful of shirt.

"Why did you just call him Harry?" she put the shirt away in a draw, before turning back to James with a nostalgic gleam in her eyes.

"Where I grew up, everyone used to warn us about the Snape's; 'don't go near those Snape's, don't go trusting boys,' and well I guess he knew that so, the first time I met him, he told me his name was Harry…Harry Greyback." She chuckled, "you know, it wasn't until the sorting, _two years later_, that I actually found out his real name," she shook her head disbelievingly, "I try to remember its Severus but… Harry just stuck."

"And what about Sniv- Samantha, when did you meet her?"

Lily looked him in the eye. Gone was the nostalgic look and the smile, there was only hatred, "It doesn't matter now,"

Fuck Dumbledore, fuck the old coot. Severus huffed, taking another swig of the bottle of Jack Daniels he had acquired. He was standing on the old bridge that was built over the trash clogged stream below. If you went right, it would lead you to the park where he had first met Lily and Rose. If you went left, you went to Spinner's End. He couldn't go there, not yet, he was too sober. He didn't know about Frank but he was pretty sure Stanley and Samantha would have become Death Eaters and made an example of their father. His mother…he didn't know. But either way he had to go in and find any clue to where Stanley and Samantha were. His siblings were going to be Death Eaters; frankly everyone who knew them knew that. In school people said Samantha knew more curses in first year than half of the seventh years, and she hadn't been afraid to show it. It was for that reason that the lions took such a great interest in her, not even her being a Hufflepuff could save her. He remembered Stanley's face when she had been sorted there, he looked ready to kill, but Severus didn't care. He still loved his little sister, his sister who would never let him help her fight against those so called Marauders. He took another long draft of whiskey. His brother was different, for one, no one had ever beaten him up. In fairness, that was probably due to the fact he towered over everyone and his black eyes gave off a more, 'I could kill you with my bare hands,' vibe than an 'I'm dead inside,' one. Also he preferred dark creatures to dark spells. Their mother had said him loving them was he way of showing he missed his brother. His twin Frank had been bitten aged four, by a werewolf and taken away by the monster. Their mother hadn't been the same since. The magical creature teacher and most of his classmates believed it was because he could see past the ferocious exterior and see the beauty of the creatures. They were all wrong. Stanley loved the way he could control such a powerful animal and use it to torture others. He never had friends, unlike Samantha who would befriend anyone, it seemed pathetic and was another reason she was constantly tormented. He was also quiet, and for some reason that escaped him, this made his brother very attractive, and girls would often ask him out. Severus worried one day Stanley would accept one of their offers, he knew from experience, a body was difficult to get rid of. He took another swig. While his siblings had spells and creatures, he had potions. The black market in school practically revolved around him. He had been quiet and made the right friends, he didn't want anyone to know his great power with black magic, and he wasn't strong enough… foolish enough, to tell anyone. Of course that didn't mean he wasn't bullied, by Black especially. Though that was because of jealousy. Reg thought Severus made a better brother than Black ever could, though Black couldn't do much to Severus or face Stanley's wrath. It wasn't the same for Samantha; Stanley stopped acknowledging her existence once she was in Hufflepuff, his love was only shown by one incident in first year. There had been a sixth year who Severus only knew as the Bitch, who liked to torture animals. The Bitch had taken Samantha's cat and crucioed it. From what Severus had heard, Stanley had been walking down the corridor when this was happening, he had stopped and snapped the wailing cat's neck, before handing it back to Samantha, then continued on his way. The Bitch, so unfortunately had died in her bed a week later. There had been no evidence at all that she had been poisoned, or at least they couldn't detect any. Severus smirked as he put the bottle up to his lips again. He threw it to the ground when he found it empty. _'__Well,'_ he thought, stumbling away from the railing, _'__time to go home.'_

Severus found it hard to stand up right as his legs started to shake. He knew the idea that he'd find his parents live and well was a long shot, but still, the realisation made him tremble. He hadn't even stepped inside yet, but the stench of human decay was enough to tell him what was inside. How could the neighbours stand it? The door swung open with ease, although Severus didn't remember pushing it. He didn't remember stepping inside either, but none of that mattered as he looked down at his mother's body. Her hair falling away in clumps, her body looked even smaller now as her flesh underneath rotted away and her skin had become translucent. He did not dare to look at her face. He didn't care if his father's body was in the room and after a few seconds he couldn't tell, due to the rivers of tears that were now streaming from his eyes. He knew at one point his mother had liked him best, following her passion in potions. But the dementors had taken that feeling of pride and comfort away from him and all he could remember was the look of disappointment and fear in his mother's eyes, when he had been found guilty.

_"__The accused has been found guilty of all charges,"_

_"__No! No! I didn't kill them! I'm begging you!" he cried out to the blurry people above as his mask fell and the fear of the sixteen year old shone through. _

_But they took no notice, "And is sentenced to life imprisonment in Azkaban." The gavel hitting the bench rang around the chamber, along with the jeers of the crowd and the freezing hands of the dementors took hold of him again. He looked wildly around for any support, any escape. His eyes fell on his mother who stood closest to the door opposite the one he was being dragged through. She had a single tear on her nose but refused to look up at him. He silently begged her, wishing he could say sorry, even if he had committed no murders. But she walked through doors, before giving him that last chance to say goodbye._

That was all that remained, nothing more. It was ice cold now, every shadow and object freezing. The rattling breath was catching up on him, it was always following him. He knew what would happen next. The memories. The memories of every dark and rainy day, of fear, regret. The doom and horror repeating itself over and over until all that was left was the black sheet of unconsciousness.


	3. Chapter 3

Hey! So ...this is a weird one, I guess it's not OC but definite OOC, also sex...kind of... I'm not quite sure but this is the reason it's a M so, you've been warned! Otherwise enjoy!

Water was trickling through his hair, and at first he thought it was sweat but then he realised his head was half in a river. He looked up, it was morning now and he was no longer at home. He was now in the woodland area of the nearby park, which was very unimpressive. It had very sparse and thin trees and a dirty small river. His shook his head to rid it of the twigs, yet it just gave him a headache. He head thumped back onto the bed of the river.

"Easy there," spoke a deep male voice as a hand lifted up his head. Severus acted instinctively, twirling round, reaching for a wand. But the whole movement just made him retch over the river. "Hey come on, you're not feeling well,"

"No shit," he choked out, tensing up as the hand stroked his back, probably in a reassuring way, but Severus was too used to danger to believe it was.

"It's me, its Frank." Severus' shivering body fell still. He couldn't remember Frank before he had been bitten, Severus had only been a baby but he had been pretty sure he'd met him once. Black had somehow made Professor Dumbledore believe he had been up after hours on the Quidditch pitch. He still didn't know how he had done it, but he had and Severus had spent a detention in the Forbidden Forest…on a full moon. Ogg, the caretaker had told him that Werewolves didn't actually live in the forest, and yet that night, he had come face to face with a blue eyed, brown werewolf. It had been snarling at his neck one moment, the next sitting in front of him, tongue lolling, tail wagging. It had taken quite a bit of research to work out that, while a werewolf would kill its best friend when transformed, it wouldn't kill its own blood, its pack. Not that made him any keener to meet his estranged brother.

He turned to face the man. "Frank?"

Clearly Frank had been the lucky one in the family when it came to looks. Unlike his siblings, Frank had no hooked nose but instead a long thin one. His hair was as long as Samantha's but was mousey brown. And his eyes, they were ice blue instead of the never-ending black the others had inherited off their father. But his ears were the only thing Severus could focus on. They, ironically, reminded him of cat ears.

Frank stiffened at the sound of his name, "It's not Frank anymore, its Fenrir Greyback."

"Greyback?" his brows furrowed, where had he heard that name before.

Fenrir smirked, "Been following you around for a long time kid. You're lucky I found you, you were screaming your head off." Severus sat up and put his head in his hands as Fenrir pushed him against a tree so he could support himself. But he didn't care as he started to remember what had happened the night before. He had failed, he knew he would never go back to the house and yet it was his only source of information. He was a coward; he'd never see his own daughter. If only his sib- he looked up at Fenrir.

"You wouldn't happen to know if Stanley and Samantha became Death Eaters?" he held his breath, hoping that the rural wolf had heard of such things.

Fenrir sighed, "Of course he did, idiot."

Severus paid no attention to the lack of mention of his little sister. "Where are they?"

He shrugged, "He came looking for me, told me that this Voldemort could offer me freedom and riches-"

"What did you say?"

"Well if you'd let me finish, I'd tell you." Severus rolled his eyes, "… I told him no, I like living and human hate my kind enough," Severus nodded, not really caring, he had other worries.

"Do you know where they are?" he repeated to the werewolf.

Fenrir shook his head. "They keep moving around, never staying in one place for too long, asking the wolf clans all over the country for help. Probably other creatures too, but I don't know about them." Severus sighed, this wasn't going anywhere; he'd have to ask outright soon. But Fenrir seemed to have guessed where he was going with this, "Do you want to be a Death Eater?"

"Maybe."

Fenrir stiffened he was silent for a moment then leaned forward and hissed, "Don't."

"Why not?" he asked in disbelief that this wolf that had been nowhere in his life for the last fifteen years and now expected him to listen.

"This …Voldemort is a fool, coming out like that, declaring war. He just wants the attention." Severus could see that, and frankly the werewolf was probably right, practically both sides were being stupid in their overreactions. But Severus wasn't doing this to win, however it was too dangerous to tell the wolf this and it seemed it was going to be difficult to convince the werewolf to tell him anything seeing as he was giving him the same stubborn look his mother always gave him. He had to swallow down the twinge of grief he felt before speaking.

"I believe in the views, they're…persuasive."

"What? Muggles? Are you going to kill them all?" he snarled, "have you seen their numbers?" All pretence dropped, he drew himself up against the tree, his pride stung.

"We are more powerful."

"_Are you_? You don't know that! You don't know what Muggles are capable of."

"Do you?"

"No! I prefer to leave them alone and _live_. Why can't you just forget about each other and leave it? Makes you all much easier to protect." Protection…so that was Fenrir thing? Severus kept his face blank, as inside he fought the turmoil over the triumph of discovering a way to manipulate the wolf and the sickening guilt that he actually took joy in it.

"Fenrir," he said seriously leaning forward, "I need to get in, they're my siblings, I need to protect them too, just like you."

Fenrir's ears flattened to his head, "They are mad for joining him."

"And that's why I need to. To protect them, to protect my pack." That got through to him.

He growled before reluctantly grumbling, "When they approached me, ages back though, they said if I ever changed my mind they'd be waiting in Knockturn alley, at the Hanging Dog, but that was before they started declaring war all over the place, I have no idea if they'd be there now," _'__well it's worth the look,'_ he thought, stumbling up. He was getting ready to apparate when out of his cloudy brain came a question.

"How did you find me?"

Fenrir shrugged getting up too, "got one of those owls, told me you would be here."

"And you just….believed it?" Fenrir looked confused, head on one side,

"Of course, I needed to find you, to protect you." This was not going to end well for Fenrir, but he was irrelevant. Severus merely nodded at him, turned on the spot and disapparated.

* * *

James, half asleep, went down the stairs to the kitchen to get a glass of water. They had settled into Godric's Hollow pretty well, it didn't mean he didn't still jump at every shadow in the unfamiliar house. This would be his repeated excuse to Lily for why he released such an undignified squeal when he saw Snape causally sitting at the table eating cereal. Snape looked up at him smirking,

"and hello to you too,"

"What-what-what….what!?"

"If you're question is, what I am doing here? Then the answer is I needed to speak to Lily and eat cornflakes."

"What?" Snape looked up at him, still wearing a punchable smirk. "How did you get into my house?"

"I have my ways," he said calmly, before going back to his bowl of cereal. This grated on James' nerves and made him grit his teeth. How dare this man, this criminal, come into his house and act like he owned the place. James was in the right, surely? He squashed down the voice that said he was wrong.

"Listen you, I don't care if you're an old friend of Lily's, you do not just come into my house whenever you want." He drew his wand, hating Snape even more when it did not have the desired effect on him, "You understand?"

Snape looked up at him, then down at the wand then up again before speaking, "Careful now, with that kind of temper, someone could get killed." Even though the kitchen had been silent before the silence that followed these words were all consuming. James just stood there, wand still trained, jaw hanging open, fighting down the temptation to throw up. It had to be a coincidence, he had just did it because he thought James had a temper, and there was no other reason.

"You should be very careful Potter, even mundane things like stairs can be killers," James now moved back, cold sweat dripping down the back of his neck. All the while Snape just stared at him; his eyes were older than his face, the pain of Azkaban showing through. How much would he make James pay for causing that?

"James?" he jumped and squealed again as Lily entered the room, wand held high. She gave James a funny look, before noticing Snape and beamed, "Hey Severus, what you doing here?"

"Hey Lil'," he said getting up; an ugly look on his face that James thought was meant to be a smile. "I found out where the Death Eaters are recruiting, problem is…" he gestured to the rags he was wearing as clothes, "I don't have anything to wear,"

"That's fine," she said moving towards Snape, grabbing his hand and pulling him out into the hallway, "I'm sure James and I can find you something."

"Hey! I-" James started, but when Snape looked at him, one hand on the banister and eyebrows raised, he closed his mouth and slowly turned away to clean up the kitchen.

"I don't trust him."

"Really James? I never would have guessed," Lily muttered sarcastically. She was too tired to deal with a mistrustful James and a sleepy Severus.

"I mean how do we even know he's working on Dumbledore's orders?"

"Why would he come to us if he wasn't?" she waved her wand over the robes she had picked out for Severus.

"Maybe because he thinks we're stupid enough to help him." He literally jumped back when she pointed her wand at him. "You know I didn't mean it like that," James started but Lily didn't listen. She was so sick of James talking ill of her oldest friend. She picked up the newly altered clothes and left the room ignoring James' pleas.

Severus looked at himself in the mirror. He was hideous. Not that he had ever been anything to look at but Azkaban had clearly changed him for the worst. His ribs were too prominent through his chest, his eyes were sunken in and had aged significantly and his hair was matted with two years worth of blood and dirt. He had tried to wash it out in the shower, but he couldn't actually comb through it so had just had to make do with letting the water wash over it. He sighed, gently rubbing a towel over his lithe body. He hadn't seen a mirror in two years and this was the man he had turned into; broken with nothing left to live for. He looked at the razor on the edge of the sink. Well, almost nothing left. He had Johanna to live for. He still didn't know why she even agreed to go out with him to the annual Hogwarts dance back in his third year. She was clever, witty and beautiful and two years above him. He still thanked the Gods for whatever they had done to convince her to sleep with him.

_Johanna pressed against the wall by his hips a voice in the back of his head told him that she didn't want this, she couldn't. But she did, her hands gripped the back of his neck pulling, if it was possible, closer. He was waiting for her to laugh, for someone to take away his bliss from him. But no laughter came; only her whispers of something he was only too glad to give her. His bliss and pleasure built until finally-_

He closed his eyes; these were definitely not the thoughts to be having in Lily's bathroom. The place where Potter showered- yep that did it. He opened his eyes again, though the memories of Johanna that elicited a spark inside of him, they were nothing compared to what he had been able to feel before Azkaban. He was only left with shadows, hints at emotions and feeling he'd once been able to feel. Except for the guilt and sadness, he still felt them in full force; he could still hear the screams. He rested his head heavily against the mirror, taking deep shaky breaths. He could still feel the dementors; they were coming for him, going to take him back to hell. There was a knock at the door which brought him back. "Yeah?"

"Severus it's me, I brought you some clothes…Can I come in?"

"No I'm not-" he couldn't even finish the sentence before Lily opened the door and stepped in.

"Fuck Lil!" he grabbed a towel and hastily wrapped it around himself, though he still felt very exposed, "do you ever listen to me?"

"I do, just not what comes out of your mouth." He huffed, collapsing on the toilet seat. Lily huffed too, crouching down and putting her free hand on one of his half towel covered knees, "Why are you doing this Severus?" He opened his mouth then closed it; could he give Lily the honest answer? She deserved to know. The problem was he didn't know if his pride would let him give her one. "I mean, I'm not saying you wouldn't help us." Would he have helped Lily? "But spying…you're a Slytherin, you wouldn't do something so life threatening without some…" she wrung her hands as she struggled for the right word, "persuasion." Could he tell Lily? He had to protect Johanna, showing her as his weakness would only put her in danger. But he knew what Lily was capable of if she found out he was lying. The day he was arrested was the same day that Lily stopped talking to Samantha. Samantha had told him while he awaited his trail. She was meant to be comforting him in the waiting room but only succeed in making him feel sad that his sister had lost her only true friend. He couldn't afford to lose Lily like Samantha had.

"Johanna," he said quietly.

Lily nodded, "I thought it was her. You know…she is now-"

"Her child's mine," he blurted out. Lily stiffened, blinking rapidly, with Severus just watching curiously, afraid of what she might do.

"Oh…_oh_, well I hate her a little less now…I guess." Severus raised an eyebrow, how could anyone hate Joha- "She got with Sirius a week after you left!" she cried suddenly, making Severus jump. "You weren't even sentenced then! I guess I get it, if she knew she was pregnant, to give her child a father…" Lily muttered more to herself than Severus. "You should meet her," Lily said smiling all of a sudden, "she's really quite sweet, your daughter I mean, of course they've been put into a safe house like we-"

"Dumbledore said I can't see them until I become a spy,"

Lily was still again, "_bastard_!" Something cracked beside him and Severus grabbed the seat to steady himself. He was going to die; something was coming to hurt him. "Shit, sorry Sev, sorry, hey, hey!" He flinched as hands rubbed his arms, "its ok, I'm sorry, shouldn't have done that." Lily turned away red faced, sighing and pushed his clothes towards him.

"I don't agree with this, not in anyway. But if you're doing this for Phoenix," Lily smiled at him, getting up, "then she has the best father in the universe."

* * *

Nothing. The bar that his brother had led him to was nothing more than a hovel for drunks and thieves. He sighed and down the last of his firewhiskey from the grimy glass in front of him and pushed himself away from the bar. He never been this far into Knockturn alley, the last time he had tried to get down here when he was fifteen he had taken an abrupt U-turn when heckled at by the prostitutes who had lined the street, trying to tempt him to use their…services. Now he just glared at the skimpy looking woman who was leering at him. He didn't know where to go now. He could try and locate an old friend, hopefully wouldn't be that hard, but the Blacks would probably kill him on sight and there was no way he could go anywhere near Luc-

"Stay where you are you bastard!" he recognised that voice and closed his eyes, _'__speak of the devil.'_

"Hello Lucie," he muttered the wand pressed more sharply into his throat.

"Don't call me that name! You lost that right when you murdered my father!"

"You need to listen-"

"No you need to listen Snape, I'm going to-"

"I know you're angry," Severus spoke over him, "but you need to trust me, as your friend, trust me."

The wand was still bruising his throat but Lucie whispered, "Go on,"

He sighed, "Someone framed me, I never went near the manor, someone was trying to get everyone close to me to turn against me, but it wasn't me, and if you ever knew me you know it couldn't have been." Slowly the wand was taken away from his throat and the figure of Lucius Malfoy came into view. The bruise on Severus' neck ached but he resisted the urge to rub it instead asking, "Why did you believe so quickly?" He cringed inwardly as he heard it leave his mouth, those words didn't really sound like they belonged to an innocent man.

But Lucie just smiled, "You're right, you're my friend and I trust you," Severus felt his heart clench as he realised what he was going to have to do to his friends, _'__think about her, this is for her.'_

"So, do you have any idea who killed my father?" Lucie asked as he put his wand away.

Severus shrugged, "Some, not much, but when I do, you'll be the first to know." Lucie smirked as Severus surveyed the alley, it was filled some nosy eyes and keen ears, "Do you know somewhere private where we could talk?"

"So…" Lucie started,

"So?"

Lucie opened his mouth and then closed it several times like a fish. Severus internally rolled his eyes and looked into the pub Lucie they were outside. Frankly he couldn't call it pub, more a muggle fighting ring, only those doing the fighting weren't doing it willingly. Severus flinched as a body was thrown at the side of the cage nearest the grimy window he was watching through, all around the circle cage was the shouting and jeering of Purist as they 'support' their fighter as they would support a race horse. The other fighter who had thrown the man dragged him back into centre ring and stamped on his head with his heavy boots, a strangely blank look on his face. The crowds heckles and cheers began to be almost deafening to the extent that he couldn't hear what Lucie was saying beside him outside the pub.

"What?"

"I said, do you know framed you?"

Severus sighed,

"I told you, I don't know,"

"Well you must have some idea,"

He sighed watching indifferently as the body was dragged from the ring.

"Some. But I don't think they murdered your father,"

Lucie raised an eyebrow.

"You think there's more than one?"

"Maybe,"

Now it was Lucie's turn to sigh, "where even were you?" Severus took his time answering, staring into the bottom of his glass as he thought of an answer.

"I was…improving upon an old recipe I found on an old potion book."

"And you didn't think to tell _anyone_?"

Severus straightened his back defensively, "well it wasn't exactly…legal,"

"Did it work?"

Severus paused again before saying, "it was improved, but not how I wanted,"

Lucie leaned forward. "What did it do?" Severus ignored the question, they were getting off topic. He walked forward; the crowd of spectators were departing now that their…entertainment had had its head smashed open. Severus believed that they would be less likely to be overheard in the crowd of bustling drunks, Lucie followed as they waded their way through the mass.

"What do you know about the Death Eaters?" Severus asked suddenly once they'd made their way to the centre of the crowd.

Lucie chewed the inside of his cheek,

"I was hoping you could tell me where to find them."

"You don't know?" Severus asked, trying to mask his disappointment.

"Well," Lucie began, "I know some things. Cissa's sister is one of them."

"Bella?"

"My dearest sister in law," he sneered sarcastically.

"Congratulations," was the muttered reply.

Lucie just grunted at him before continuing, "She knows a lot more than me…_perhaps_, someone would let it slip that in three days' time, they're having a celebration of Orion Black's fifty-seventh birthday at the Summer Hops Estate."

"I'm not sure they'd welcome me, seeing as they think I killed their sister."

"Do you have another choice?"

"No." he clicked his tongue in thought, wishing this Voldemort man would drop out of the sky, so he could just get this over with; this wild goose chase was getting on his nerves. He and Lucie walked all the way back to Knockturn Alley, before Lucie turned to him.

"I guess I'll see you there." he stuck out his hand which was taken by Severus. He could feel the old scars on Lucie's hand which made him feel more guilty about what he was about to do. He pulled Lucie into a hug and slipped his hand into his outer robes and took out a pouch of galleons. Once he waved Lucie goodbye he headed further into Knockturn Alley, Lucie wouldn't miss the money and he could be excused, it has been two years. But this wasn't something he could ask Lily money for.

* * *

Please review and will upload again next Wednesday!


	4. Chapter 4

Hey! Next one! This one's where the sub plot with murders kind of come in... I hope...I don't want to be lying to you... I'm pretty sure. Hope you enjoy!

* * *

When he had walked in he almost had thought it was truly her. That Johanna was sitting at the end of the couch in a dress that really left nothing to the imagination. He felt like, for once, the Gods had been kind to him, but after he'd paid the money, his mind started picking up on the differences. This woman may look like Johanna but was in no way like her; her leering smile and tinkering laugh made him cringe and her great acting skills that could have fooled any other man only served to remind him, Johanna wasn't here. She would never do half of the things Severus did with that woman that night, even when they had had sex, Johanna was still much reserved. She had always been quiet and never really showed any emotion, it made him feel like he had achieved something with Johanna when he made her cracked a smile, unlike this woman who gasped and moaned at his every touch. Still she was better than no Johanna. Now she was stroking his arm while he was sat up in the silk bed, gnawing a finger in his mouth and thinking. Lucie had brought his mind back to the murders. Though he hadn't really paid attention as the Minister had read out his crimes, too afraid to even speak, he knew the murders that he supposedly committed. Calla Black found in an unused potions room, poisoned, his magical imprint all over the room, Abraxas Malfoy in his Winchester manor, his throat cut open with a knife that his friends had confirmed was his. A first year Hufflepuff called Darius Harvey pushed down a flight of stairs and had broken his neck, witnesses saying they had seen him fleeing the crime scene and finally Professor Athanas, a witness account saying he had been seen stabbing the man. He sighed he could understand Malfoy Sr., but the boy and the Professor? Why was he framed for them? Perhaps it hadn't just been one person, how quickly the murders had followed one another showed that it couldn't possibly be one person. Then why frame him? He sighed and looked down at the woman, still softly tickling his arm.

"You know, you have half an hour left, you gonna use it?" her voice was rough and judging by the yellow fingers and pre-old aged wrinkles, she was definitely addicted to something, probably trying to pay off her debts, maybe a child involved. He felt something a kin to sadness, his child's name was Phoenix, even though he was pretty sure that was a boy's name, he still felt closer to her now. He sighed again, getting out of the bed, trying to locate his clothes. He was meant to be trying to become a spy so he could see her, not sorting out a revenge plan.

"Keep the money," he said once fully dressed. Surely he could try both.

* * *

It was the second time that week he had found Snape in his kitchen in the dead of night. At least he didn't scream like a girl this time. Snape was looking through an old tome, one he was pretty sure he didn't own,

"Hello Potter," James opened his mouth to reprimand Snape, but then realised it probably wouldn't do much.

"…You wanna speak to Lily?" he asked gesturing up to where Lily was sleeping.

"No, I want to talk to you," he closed the book with a sharp snap, the kitchen now thick with tension.

James licked his lips before letting out a shaky sigh,

"Can I get a drink first?"

"Please," he walked as slowly as he could over to the drinks cabinet, trying to prevent the inventible consequences for his actions. He took out a bottle of firewhiskey and a crystal glass and sat down opposite Snape, before taking a shot and refilling his glass.

"You know," Snape started, James' hands starting to shake, "what I've had in abundance as I rotted in Azkaban?" His throat became too dry to talk, so he took another shot, it didn't help instead he shook his head.

"Time," he pushed the large, fraying book to James, "and this book." The cover paper was faded but he could still read the title 'the art of Occulemency and legilimency.' "Do you know what legilimency is?" James shook his head again. "In laymen terms, it is the ability to enter one's mind and extract their memories, a skill I have perfected. Why did you kill Darius Harvey?" James tried to speak but ended up having a coughing fit, "Perhaps I should let you have your say, even though I wasn't even allowed a defence,"

He swallowed another shot before speaking, "I…I never, look ok, it wasn't that I murdered him,"

"Well, actually you did,"

James audibly gulped,

"He was just so insulting, I'm not trying to not take the blame but, he kept insulting my family…I just wanted to push him, to scare him you know. I didn't know he was standing that close," he shuddered, taking another sip from his glass; he could sometimes still hear the cracking sound when he hit the floor below.

"So, you thought it would be funny to tell the aurors it was me," James opened his mouth to denied it but Snape spoke over him, "thought you could have a laugh with Black about how you put a Snape behind bars?"

"No-"

"You make me sick, just cause I'm a Slytherin you thought-" the glass shattered as James brought it down on the table.

"No!" They fell into silence now, straining to hear any movement from upstairs. When none could be heard, James took off his glasses and rubbed the bridge of his nose before speaking, "Look you have to understand…I know Phoenix isn't Sirius', I know she's your daughter." His lips thinned, "she told that day, told me she was pregnant, with your child. I was so angry. I didn't think when I told them it was you, just that it would get rid of you, but…" he looked Snape in the eye, "once I did, I felt terrible, but I couldn't go to prison." Snape stood showing nothing on his face

"If Lily found out…"

James stood up too, chair scarping loudly, his heart in his throat.

"Please you can't tell her."

Snape ignored this, still moving towards the door and said, "It would kill her. And Johanna,"

James moved towards Snape grabbing his sleeve making him turn back around,

"she would never talk to you again,"

"Please you didn't even go in for that long only two years."

"Only two years! I was sixteen! Because of _you_ and your only foolish mistakes, I lost everything! Do you know what I went through? I suffered through every nightmare I've ever had, through ever last fear my mind could come up with. They starved me to the point that I was insane. I would have and did anything to eat, to _drink_! And you acted like what happened to me, what should have happened to you is nothing?" James was crying now, he didn't need to hear Snape's tales, he knew enough about Azkaban, his parents using it in stories when he was little to make sure he behaved. Snape could tear his life apart; he could go to Azkaban for this. Just the thought of the undead monster there, made his pride shatter, allowing him to say, "I'm begging you, please!" Snape looked no remorse as he looked into his eyes, causing James to bow his head in dismay, it was hopeless.

"You're…begging? You want to be free, then truly beg, for my mercy." James swallowed, this didn't sound like it would end well for him, but he knew he deserved this, so he got down on his knees,

"Please…don't tell _anyone_,"

Snape offered no answer to his begging, "You're pathetic and I am so tempted to become the murderer you tried to make me out to be." James bowed his head, looking at his shaking hands, "but I was right, it would kill Lily. Potter get up!" He couldn't possibly be letting him go.

"Thank you!" he said, stumbling up.

"Don't thank me," he snapped, as if what James had said was a crude insult, "I'm not doing it for you." James nodded, violently, he couldn't believe it, he was actually free, this horrible weight on his chest was being lifted, if only lightly, by Snape's words.

"That kid…he had a family right?" James nodded, "good, you're gonna give them 200'000 galleons and an apology,"

"What? Why?"

"Because you can't bring back their son, but you can help them, even if you're two years too late." James looked dumbfounded, his mouth hanging open, it wasn't the amount of money, it wouldn't put a dent in the Potter fortune but it was the fact that a Snape being asking this, why would someone relate to Samantha Snape be this selfless? "Oh and I need five hundred," or maybe not.

"Why?"

Snape smirked at Potter as he accio'd a large money pouch from the living room and caught it,

"Because I have a party to go to."

* * *

Not all his friends had abandoned him, he saw that as a plus, he did wish that one who hadn't abandon him wasn't deeply in love him. He had been staying with Lily's younger sister since acquitted from Azkaban though frankly he couldn't wait until he could leave her home, but that wasn't an option right now.

"Sev!" Rose squealed as he opened the front door, she ran at him full pelt and hugged him. He smiled weakly as Rose tried to squeeze the life out of him. She had always been a peculiar girl, those on the outside she seemed to just be a goody two shoes like her sister, but she, unlike Lily, was obsessed with the Dark Arts, probably why she had always loved Severus. "Where have you been?" she cried, jumping up and down after she had finally let Severus breathe.

"I've been…busy." It was true, but he'd also been trying to avoid her, it wasn't really because of her jumpy nature and just all round cheeriness that got on his nerves, it was the fact no matter what he did to deter her from have feelings for him, it would never do her any good to have feelings that would never returned. _'__You can't talk,' _an irritating voice whispered to him, he shook his head, he had been a stupid hormonal boy, he had been allowed to obsess over Johanna non-stop and it had work out in the end, _'__this is what you call 'working out?' _He sighed, sitting down at the plastic table in Rose's kitchen/dining/living room. She had rented out an apartment as soon as she had turned seventeen, and was now staying in it during her final summer holiday. It was a block of flats at which many Hogwarts finishing students stayed in until they got a job and house. Never having lived in one, Severus was actually quite amazed at how luxurious it was, it was much nicer than his own home had ever been. _The stench of human decay filled his nose he looked down at his mother. Her hair falling away in clumps, her body looked even smaller now as her flesh underneath rotted away and her skin had become translucent._ The memory went as quickly as it came, it seemed to be a curse of Azkaban, like a dementor was following him around, non-stop, everyday more memories haunting him, of the pain, of loss and of decay, he could still smell Azkaban on him, he reeked of it.

_There was someone else in his cell. It was too dark to tell where, but he could hear someone gasping. He stayed in the corner, that he had claimed as his own, when he'd first arrived he stayed in it to retain his strength. Now…what was the point of moving anywhere else? A dementor glided past, he closed his eyes and focussed on what the book in his hands had said. He closed off all memories from the front of his mind, creating a wall. It didn't stop the depression that swept over him as it passed. He didn't even hear the scuffle as the person moved closer._

"You ok?" He looked up, he had been leaning over of table, panting, sweating gathering on his forehead.

"Yeah, just memories…they're getting worse." Rose frowned slightest at him, but she clearly had no way of empathising with him, she was too innocent to understand anything, including what she was eluding to when she stroked his hand. He carefully removed his hand from under hers.

"When were you going to tell me about Daisy?" he asked, wishing to quickly change the subject. Rose seemed to have thought he would ask about Daisy, as she didn't look surprised, only hurt. She drew herself up, though it did not have the strengthening effect she probably had hoped it would have, as her emotions were painted clearly on her face.

"How did you hear about that?"

"Lily told me."

"Ah, so you've been speaking to Lily but not me." Severus raised an eyebrow, she couldn't have possibly thought that would have worked.

"She's my friend and I needed information," he said simply refusing to be taken off topic, "but she didn't tell me what happened,"

"Oh didn't she?"

"No, I was rather hoping you would." Silence followed Severus' obvious command, as Rose rubbed her forehead. Finally she stood up, taking the book of satanic rituals off the table and put it on the side, as she got two cans of lager. Severus waited impatiently for her to sit back down and start talking.

"She's was a squib," Rose said, looking into her can.

"What?"

"She's-was a squib," Severus put down his beer can, he hadn't known that, Lily hadn't told him, she had gone at the beginning of his fourth year, but he'd always assumed her parents had taken her out,

"A...muggle squib?" Rose nodded, and as an afterthought chuckled.

"It is funny when you say it like that, isn't it?" She wiped her mouth with her sleeve, "she had magic, that was for sure, got a Hogwarts letter, could get a wand, but do actual spells?" She shook her head, the pained look was back, "but she couldn't been allowed back into the muggle world, she had magic, and seeing as she couldn't control it...statute of secrecy and all that bull. They said she was somewhere where they'd look after her, somewhere that was meant to keep her safe." Rose had tears in her eyes now, sniffing a little. Severus hoped she didn't actually start crying, he was terrible at comforting people, but Rose seemed to gather herself together, "she wasn't sorted into Gryffindor for nothing, I don't think she liked the way they spoke to her, and it was horrible." She took another gulp, before throwing her can down on the table in anger, "so condescending, just because she didn't have magic didn't mean she was stupid!" She hiccoughed here, and slowly stood to get her herself another drink, she was at the counter with her back to Severus when she spoke again, "well I guess she was a little stupid." Severus had to strain to hear, "they found her two days before you were arrested, she was in Knockturn alley, dead." Severus wondered how much Rose knew about how her sister was killed. She sat down again, Severus watching her carefully, but there seemed to be no tears now, only a blank stare at nothing. Severus took his chance and looked into her mind, it wasn't difficult, the memory was at the forefront of her mind. Daisy was hovering on an invisible stretcher, a blanket over her to keep her decency but it was clear she wasn't wearing any clothes underneath. Bruises were on her throat, finger-marks from where her murderer had strangled her to death. He had never realised how small she was until then, she was fourteen, and her eyes should have been full joy and innocence, not dull and unseeing. He withdrew as Rose moved away again, unable to taken her emotions out of anything but the floor, as she was now furiously pacing up and down. "They never found out who did it, nothing. but if they'd just-" she marched to a shelf and plucked took a book out, and slammed it down on the table, making Severus flinch at the loud noise, but Rose did not notice, it had been clearly a long time since she's been able the talk to anyone about what happened to her sister.

"See this! The Tandum curse, can track the magical signature of any wizard after up to three weeks, but of course," she slammed the book shut, "it's _illegal_, because it invades citizen privacy," something Rose did not care about if her sisters were concerned. "They could have found him...but they never did," she was quiet now, just looking down at Severus probably hoping he would been able to help her with the pain she was feeling. Severus sighed, as he stood up and hugged her. He hated her puppy dog eyes; she could make him do almost anything. Almost.

"And what would you do," he spoke softly into her ear, "if you did find who killed your sister?"

"I'd kill them," she had the stubborn tone of anyone who truly didn't understand what they were committing themselves to.

"No, you can't."

"Why not?"

"You're too young to be planning revenge murder."

"Oh yeah, like you aren't planning to kill whoever sent you to Azkaban, why is what I'm doing any different?"

"You're too young,"

She scoffed. "A year younger than you, that's no difference,"

"It's all the difference, you've never killed before." She pulled away, and anger radiated off of her, as she stormed into the only other room in the house, her bedroom. He sighed, Rose had no idea what she wanted to do, and he shook his head, as he laid down on the tiny sofa. _'Definitely need to find a new place to sleep.'_

* * *

Hope you enjoyed it! Have an nice day and review please!


	5. Chapter 5

hey! There's implied rape in this chapter so if you don't want to read it skip the stuff in italics, otherwise enjoy!

He'd be a fool to believe that pureblood didn't like a chance to show off but, even he was surprised by the grand lengths the Black family had gone to show off this event. It was Orion Black's 57th birthday, yet it seemed that the family had only used this as an excuse to show how much power and wealth they had. Statues of dogs lined the garden paths and walls, cages of rare birds were hidden in the under growth with a spell on them so the source of the sound could not be traced. Hovering lanterns lit the garden so brightly it could be mistaken for daytime and there were rows of tables of banquet food, there were so many of them that it made the party of over 500 people look tiny, it was compared to how many were meant to be there, but with so many people in hiding most hadn't risked it. Severus had used the money he had 'borrowed' from Potter to buy the most expensive black velvet robes, embroided with green thread he could find. But of course, everyone else in the garden had gone out of their way to, what else, show off. This gave him the peculiar feeling of being embarrassed of being so ridiculously overdressed and underdressed at the same time. Not that anyone would notice as he had cast a Notice-me-not charm on himself, though, he hoped, seeing as Lucie was looking for him, he'd been able to see him. Luckily his hunch was correct,

"Didn't think you would show up." Severus turned around, mouth open ready to snap at him but it ended up choking at he saw what Lucie was wearing. A completely white set of robes with an entire plumage of peacock feathers at the back.

"Peacock," he said thickly, trying to rid his mind of the images of a grand piano and candelabras, it would do no good if he died of laughter tonight.

"Someone should uphold the Malfoy house's honour in amongst these dogs."

"Well," Severus started stiffly, trying not to crack a smile, "I didn't expect you to come as a peacock, more as a…duck," Lucie's expression turned into one of a sulking five year old child and Severus felt something a kin to happiness as he teased his old friend, but it was stale and tainted by the niggling thoughts that Lucie was only a pawn to get him to Johanna.

"I thought you promised never to tell anyone that," he hissed,

"And I kept that promise, as you've kept you've kept yours,"

Severus looked around, no one was paying attention to them but with how Lucie was dressed, Severus could be forgiven for being a little paranoid, "its best not to discuss that here," he murmured, "Have you gained any information?"

Lucie grimaced, "I've gained a little more than information," he rolled up his left sleeve to reveal an angry red looking tattoo. He could see, underneath the tender skin, the tattoo was of a black snake twisting out of a black skull. Even though he had never seen the mark before he guessed, judging by the context, that this meant-

"When?"

"Well," Lucie said, pulling his sleeve back down, looking around anxiously but no one was paying them any attention, too engulfed in their own conversations and power plays. "After we talked, I kind of decided… it was finally time to make a choice about my side in the war." Severus felt something deep inside coiling and twisting, reaching up to the forefront of his mind. He pushed it back, silently urging Lucie to go on.

"So l asked Cissa where her sister was, she said she was in north Hampton so," he shrugged, "I went."

Severus raised an eyebrow, "You just went?" Lucie looked confused then offended as he worked out what Severus was implying.

"I can look out for myself! Anyway, they were just doing a raised, but the aurors showed up," Severus again was confused, if the aurors were there, how had he not heard anything. Terrifyingly, Lucie seemed to know what he was thinking.

"You think that the Ministry would let their people know about their mistakes? It would cause panic," he said grinning. "But anyway, the aurors showed up and there were too many of them so, I just did the first thing that came to my head, I ran forward, grabbed one of them and apparated. I thought maybe, I could ask them some questions. But once he realised who I was he told me that he wanted to take me to his…Lord."

"Lord?"

"That's what he calls himself…the dark lord. When night fell the Dark," he twitched his left arm, "mark started burning and the man, never told me his name, took me to…him." Lucie swallowed.

"What was he like?" Lucie opened his mouth several times, clearly struggling for words, while Severus waited, tensed, still trying to force back the dark feeling in his mind.

"He…didn't seem human, and the way they were all acting, like he was some God, like he was so powerful."

"Was he powerful?"

"I wasn't going to test it!" Lucie snapped, clearly getting agitated about having to talk about it, "but he seemed to know why I was there, he didn't have to ask, he just walked forward, put his wand to my arm, and told me I was going to serve him," he swallowed again and shuddered, but Severus didn't care, the dark feeling in the back of his mind getting stronger, no pain mattered as long as he was a Death Eater when it was all over.

"What happened next?"

Lucie skin now looked a tinge grey, "So the way I see it, to get in-"

"Lucie…what happened next?" Lucie started to fidget, looking around at the still chatting party goers.

"I know that they're vermin," he said quietly, "but the things he made us do." He shuddered again and this time it took Severus all his strength to keep back the dark feeling, some the guilt of spilling through, sending knives into his stomach.

"Hey it's ok," he said rubbing Lucie's arms.

"You still wanna join?" Severus nodded. "Then you've either got to save a Death Eater's life or do something the dark lord would approve of, the former's probably easier." Severus nodded again, "There's going to be an attack on Birmingham city centre in four days. The bull ring, heard of it?" He nodded, he didn't but he knew he could get directions at any time, but the longer he stayed there, the riskier it was. They stayed in silence after that, neither knowing what to say. They jumped when they heard an angry shout,

"Lucius!"

He looked like a rabbit in the headlights, "Shit, that's Cissa," he said looking over his shoulder, Severus doing so too, seeing if he could catch a glimpse of the familiar face.

"I better get going," he said when he saw the white haired woman's head bobbing towards them.

"Yes," Lucie breathed turned back to face him, "I'll keep in touch."

Severus awkwardly embraced the blond, "Good luck," and with that, he turned on his heel, rolling up his sleeves, the tattoos on his wrists glowing red.

* * *

He stumbled into Rose's apartment, his shields falling down. The guilt that had been in the back of his face hit him with full force as he remembered what Lucie said, _"__After we talked, I kind of decided… it was finally time to make a choice about my side in the war."_ His throat tightened, restricting his breathing, tears stinging at his eyes. His friend had been pushed into evil and it was he who had done it. Now his friend had done unspeakable evils because he had trusted him. _'__She trusted you,'_ screams then filled the room, he thought they were too high to be his own but he felt close to screaming. The darkness was covering him now, choking him. Rotting flesh gripped his arms, pulling him closer.

"Severus!" He flinched back, hitting his head off the radiator, the real pain in the back of his head bringing him out of his nightmare. Rose was leaning over him now, hands holding his arms tightly away from her, as if he had lashed out. At any other time he would have tried to move away, but now he leaned into her, drawn to her realness and solidness, much better than the apparitions that he had created to stay sane in Azkaban. He wasn't aware he'd started kissing her and by the time he'd woken himself from his coma of comfort and warmth, it was too late to stop. That night was the first time he'd slept well since before Azkaban.

* * *

Rose had curlier hair, a little browner than Lily's hair, but it still reminded him of her. It didn't distract him from the fact he was sleeping next to a naked girl. He was so tempted to do it all again with her, better than paying some other woman, Rose was giving it up for free.

_He only noticed the person had moved forward when he felt a hand on his knee. He flinched but only hit the book that was hidden behind his back._

_"__You're real," the man muttered, "You're here," he started to stroke Severus' leg, squeezing it tight. Severus didn't say anything, too terrified. But when the man's hands started to creep up his chest, one grabbing his hand, the other his neck, he weakly said, "No." He was shushed, the grip of the hand on his neck almost strangling him._

_"__Don't, I'll made it real for you too."_

He rolled out of the bed, refusing to stay beside Rose any longer, disgusted at himself. He'd slept with Lily's younger sister, used her. He shook his head, he was going mad. Running into the living room, he picked out a couple of clothes that Rose had got for him, put them on and then ran out the door.

* * *

He just had to hope Lily would never find out. He was now standing behind a tree, watching the church doors. It was the church belonging to the small village Lily had grown up in and it was here where Lily and Potter were getting married. The church's doors burst open, the bells ringing as the happy couple walked out of the building. Lily looking dazzlingly in her wedding dress and Potter looking very uncomfortable in trousers and with a bemused look on his face, as if he wasn't sure if he was dreaming or not. But it wasn't them he was looking for. He kept looking at the doors until he saw her. She was wearing a green dress, her hair up high, strands cascading down her shoulders. She had brown eyes and hints of freckles on the top of her cheeks. She was a picture of sweetness and innocence which was marred by the smirk she was wearing and the cunningness of her mind. Holding her arm was Black, but was it him, or was she holding her arm very loosely. He shook his head, his sentiment was getting the better of him. He watched as she walked up behind her brother and gave him a one armed hug, her smirk bigger than ever. His eyebrows furrowed.

"I told them it would be best to leave in her in the safe house." He twirled around to see Dumbledore standing behind him wearing sky blue robes, "Who knows who could show an interest in her?" Severus stepped towards him, wanting to punch the wizard. "Severus you should stop now or else I cannot ensure your safety," he stopped, breathing harshly through his nose. "How much progress have you made?" He clenched his fists tightly, his nails biting into his palms, before speaking.

"I know how to get in, it is only a matter of time now before I find the right moment." Of course that wouldn't take long see as he was planning on pulling some of strings. "Now if you excuse me, I have places to be."

* * *

It had taken him all his strength to keep a straight face as Potter walked through his hotel door and screamed at the sight of him on the double bed. Lily looked as she had been expecting it, probably had, with her Seeing powers.

"Were you at the wedding?" she asked, moving past her still petrified husband, kicking off her shoes as she went,

"Only saw the end, I'm afraid,"

She smiled,

"That's ok, the end's always my favourite bit anyway." He smiled back, it was always so easy with Lily, of course Potter had to ruin it.

"What the hell are you doing here?" he hissed still rooted to the spot.

"I know you'd be going away on your honeymoon, didn't know where else to find you," he put the heels of his hands into his eyes and took a deep breath in.

"Why did you need to find me?" he said with a strained voice. Severus smirked at him, he wasn't in Slytherin for nothing, and he knew that even if he knew where the raid was taking place, the chances of aurors knowing were almost zero.

"Because the aurors need to know of an attack that is going to happen." James looked up and silence fell between the two men as James took in this information.

"Should I go?" Severus blinked and looked up at Lily who was surveying them both, "should I go?" she repeated. "Yeah I'll go, I'll get out of this dress," she finished muttering to herself, walking towards the bathroom.

Once she was gone, James said slowly, "Who told you that?"

Severus rolled his eyes,

"You are aware of what an anonymous tips means Potter? It means they identity is not given away."

Potter tried to glare, "Then why don't you tell them? Or are you too scared?" he leapt off the bed, not meaning to do anything but to gage a reaction. It was successful as Potter took two steps back and tensed as Severus stepped closer.

"This had nothing to do with fear, it's just a little snag that they probably won't believe an ex-prisoner," James flinched at that, "nor are they going to believe a note. They'll believe you though, son of the infamous Harold Potter, of course they'll believe you," he said softly. Potter bit his lips as if considering it, but when he looked up, there was a flash of Gryffindor daring in his eyes.

"No, this is the start of my honeymoon and I'm not going to let it be interrupted by you," he moved past him and towards the dresser where he began taking his tie off. "Go get someone else to do your dirty work." Of course Potter was right, he could, very easily, get someone else to do it. But what Potter didn't seem to realise was that Severus liked being able to make Potter do things.

"Oh? But I thought you liked telling tales to aurors?" James froze and in his reflection, Severus could see James eyes look, over to the bathroom door. He smirked.

"Birmingham Bull ring, three days." James stood still for another five seconds, before realising he had no choice. He turned away from the dresser, gave Severus a look of pure loathing and slammed the door behind him. Lily peeked her head and when she saw it was James who had left, she groaned.

"You do realise this is meant to be my wedding night?"

"Yes and you look beautiful," he said smoothly, heading for the door as well. "Severus?" He stopped just before it, "take a portkey when it happens."

"What?" he turned around, regretting instantly as Lily had walked out of the bathroom definitely not wearing proper clothing. He screamed slightly, spinning back around as quickly as he could, "God Lily!"

She laughed, "_That's_ for making my boyfriend run errand- husband!" she corrected herself, over excitedly. "Anyway, bring a portkey to the Bullring."

He nodded but then realised Lily couldn't see him said, "Ok."

"And Severus, it's going be ok," Severus knew that whenever Lily said that it usually wouldn't but didn't question it and left.

* * *

Hope you enjoyed and please review!


	6. Chapter 6

Hey! This the second to last chapter of part 1, i'll have a break before writing part two and then three, they will all be on there. hope you enjoy it!

* * *

"You smell like sex," he didn't have to turn around to know who it was. He glared at Fenrir, trying to keep down his blush as he realised he hadn't had a showered that morning. Not that he was going to discuss that with his brother.

"How did you know where I was?"

"Letters," he grunted, "apparently you need a place to stay."

He opened his mouth and then closed it; he _did_ need a place to stay, now it was too awkward for him to return to Rose's flat.

"How did they know-" he looked at Fenrir, his eyes were looking at a spot behind Severus, filled with the same hungry look of that of a starving dog. Behind him were a group of people, around Severus' age all heading out for the night. He only had to look twice between the group and his brother before making his decision. "Yeah I need a place to live right now," when his brother continued to stare at the teens behind him as if they were pieces of meat, he repeated, "_Now_!"

Fenrir blinked, still looking at the teens, but said, "Yeah, ok…this way." They walked away from the hotel doors and down the darkening road.

"You never look at me like that," looking at his brother questioningly, already half knowing the answer.

"You jealous?" Severus shuddered, and decided to not try and make conversation with his estranged brother. They continued to walk in silence until they reached an old rusting jeep.

"You drive?" Severus said jumping into the passenger seat.

"Yeah, taught myself." Severus looked at his brother, before quickly tightening his seatbelt as Fenrir started the engine. The journey was long and Severus after a time stopped tensing, afraid Fenrir would run them into a ditch and started watching the streetlamps glow whirl past the window. In a few days time he would be in the so called Death Eaters, after that…his stomach twisted itself into knots, he could see Johanna again. He could see his daughter. He sat up, looking out of the front window; he hadn't really thought much about it, not allowing himself to imagine some wonderful dream like that. Would she like him? Would Johanna allow her to even make an opinion of him or would she try and keep her as far away from him as possible? Knowing Johanna she'd want to do what would be best for her child and keeping her away from the Death Eater did seem like the best idea. He sighed. They were going up a dirt road and coming up to a country house now. It was big and old fashioned with a barn style garage.

"I guess you'll wanna sleep in the house," Fenrir said quietly, turning off the engine.

"Yeah," he said getting out the car with him, but Fenrir shushed him.

"Wouldn't want to wake them up." He said pointing to the barn. Before Severus could question him, Fenrir abruptly said, "Well goodnight," he stepped to give Severus an unreciprocated hug and a leer worthy of Stanley, "make sure you don't step in the mess," and once again, the werewolf didn't give him a chance to speak and he turned around, heading to the barn without a backwards glance.

As soon as he opened the house door, he knew what Fenrir meant by 'mess'. The stench was enough evidence of what he would find. And as he had suspected behind the kitchen counter were two dead bodies. Their throats torn off and the flesh on their arms ripped away like meat off a dog's bone. Their eyes stared blankly, their mouths open and blood drying around their lips, like nightmarish clowns. He had started to shake as his eyes stayed glued to the bodies, unable to stop looking at where their skin had only been teared off, showing the congealing meat underneath. _She was still screaming, her body was so bloody and flagged, he would have thought her dead, if it weren't for the screaming, and constant pain filled screams._ He turned tail and ran up the stairs, panting, just looking for somewhere to sleep.

* * *

When he woke the next day, he discovered he had only been able to make it to the landing before fainting from the shrouding memories. Dust spiralled in the beams of light that had woken him, he looked at them for a few moments, watching their simple and peaceful patterns as they floated mid-air. Finally he decided it was probably not the greatest idea to stay spread out on the wooden floor. He got up, his legs still trembling slightly, he felt sweaty and dirty, covered in the grime off the floor. The bathroom was, luckily, the first room he came to. Unlike the rest of the house it was very modern and muggle. The shower was very confusing and after a bout of loud hexing and swearing, he got to a temperature he could actually stand. The water still ran brown with the dirt and grease coming from his hair, he sighed, he was never going to get it all out, it was a part of Azkaban that would seemingly stay with him forever. Like his mind, he shook his head, in a childish attempt to remove the pain and sorrow that now lived permanently at the forefront of his mind. _'__Pathetic excuse for a life,'_ he shook his head again, his father was dead, he shouldn't be able to still haunt him and yet…he turned the water off and stepped out of the shower, he never cared much about personal hygiene but the clothes he was wearing smelt of sweat and, like Fenrir said, sex. But still, he felt it would be rude to go digging through someone else's clothes, even if they were dead. He shuddered, putting on the shirt, followed by the hoodie. Out of one of its pockets fell his wand, he blinked, he had put it in there yesterday morning but after two years of not using magic he didn't feel so dependent on it. He picked it up, it was a new wand, his old one having been snapped when he went into Azkaban, it had been badly made as well, made by an official ministry wand maker instead of one of the great masters. He could get a new one if he got a job or perhaps guilt trip Potter out of more money, but it wouldn't be the same. He had trusted his old one and had used it for everything; this one felt like it was someone else's, like it didn't belong in his hand. He pointed it at the clothes still on the floor, "Limpiar." They feebly moved slightly and when he picked them up, they did smell slightly better, but not as clean as they would if the spell had come from his real wand. The one they snapped. He felt his heart clench and tried to hide the pitiful emotions behind his shields. He had always been better at legilimency than occulemency. Heading down the stairs he tried to avoid to look over to where the bodies were, pretending that they weren't there. _'__Coward,'_ he heard as he strode from the house. The sun was just peeking over the hill of fields and the birds were twittering from some nest he couldn't see. The whole place gave an aura of a simpler life he couldn't have, like nothing could touch it, not even a war. He sighed, heading toward the barn, where Fenrir had slept the night before. He pulled the door open by its rope handle. Inside were mountains of hay to match the hatch roof, in two heaps of straw lay two forms both too small to be Fenrir. _"__Try not to wake them," _his wand was out and pointing at the bare-chested werewolf.

"Hey, hey, didn't mean to scare you," he said, moving back an amused smirk on his face.

"Who are they?" he hissed, gesturing with his wand to the sleeping children.

"They're my pack, seeing as my real one buggered off." 'You were the one that left, not us,' he wanted to snap, but arguing wouldn't get them anyway.

He sighed lowering his wand, "In a couple of days, I'll see them, I'll make sure they're ok,"

"I guess then this Voldemort will rent you a room, huh?" Fenrir raised an eyebrow a look of disapproval on face.

"I need to look after them," he lied smoothly, "because they're my pack." Fenrir sighed.

"Pack," he echoed. Severus was starting to think his brother was less human and more like a wolf that could talk.

"I can't believe you killed them." Severus said, thinking of the bodies in the kitchen, again looking over at the two children, both under ten years old, with blonde hair, curled up in balls in the hay.

"From what I've heard, you've killed more." Severus still looked down at the children and thought of what Lucie had said to him and realised he was probably going to have to murder again.

* * *

After spending three days in the country side the city air smelt of dirt and fuel. He had been standing against the brown bull statue for nearly two hours, but he knew he wasn't the only one. There were several others standing around looking like normal bystanders to someone who wasn't trying to look for them. He couldn't tell if they were aurors or Death Eaters, but he recognised none of them. He was on the floor, his ears ringing before he had even had time to realise the glass windows beside him had exploded. He was covered in shards of glass and the arm he had landed on was throbbing, but he ignored it and jumped back to his feet, wand in one hand, portkey in the other. Muggles were screaming running to find escape, but soon realising they were trapped in an invisible bubble. The Death Eaters, standing in front of the shopping centre, in their masks, were trying to making their way towards the Muggles, however were having to fight their way through aurors that they hadn't expected to be there. A Death Eater spotted him and shot a curse at him which he had to avoid by hiding behind the bull. The sent a jelly-legs jinx back and decided to make a run for it. An Aurors had stupidly cast a reducto at the overhead roof, and blocks of steel were crashing between the two groups. Severus stayed close to the buildings, watching the chaotic back and forth hexing. Once he'd made his way to the Death Eaters side, he was spotted by a shorter Death Eater, who sent an orange jinx at him and sent him fly back towards the wall. Thankfully he hadn't been that far away from it, but his wand had been sent flying out of his hand. The young man ran towards him, but was intersected by an Auror, who, in the heat of battle, had seemed to have forgotten he was a wizard. He threw punches at the Death Eater underneath, as Severus scrambled up and grabbed his wand. He had to gain their trust somehow, and so he pointed his wand at the Auror. But the white flash of light from the wand of a taller hooded Death Eater, stopped him. The Auror was pushed off the man's body underneath him. Severus had to do someone, anything to stop them from attacking him, to gain their trust.

"Avada Kevdra!" The man had been on all fours, on his way to get up when the spell hit, he fell to the floor, like a puppet cut from its strings. Severus didn't have time to take in his actions fully, as wands of the two men were now trained on him. He held up the spoon portkey, shouting over the spells being shouted across the battlefield. "Do you want to live?" The first one to attack him seemed to still want to kill him, but the taller one grabbed both their hands and entwined them around the handle of the spoon.

"Activate!"

He had had the portkey set to a back alley of the city centre, far away enough for them not to be found but not too far away, that was too powerful for his new wand to take. He got up before the two Death Eaters could do so, panting from the battle. They stayed lying on the ground, more exhausted than he was, their masks still on. Severus knew that this was very dangerous; he'd made enough enemies amongst purebloods for these two Death Eaters to kill him on sight. The shorter one of the two took off his mask and threw it away from himself and Severus groaned, it was Regulus Black, of course he'd recuse a Black. He was looking up at Severus with the purest loathing but seemed unable to get up off the floor.

"Reg, listen to me, I didn't do it." Regulus turned on to his front and started to stumble up, "_I didn't_," he dived just in time to avoid being hit by a flash of purple light. It had been weak, but Regulus shot dark curse after dark curse at him, barely aiming. He took his own wand, "Expelliarmus." Regulus easily deflected it but it gave Severus a chance to stand up. Regulus sent spell after spell at him, putting Severus on the defence. The different colours of spells were blinding him and as Regulus regained his strength the spells became stronger so though he deflected them, Severus could feel their power run up his arm. Suddenly they stopped, Severus kept his wand up warily, as his eyes were still recovering from the bright flashes of light. He blinked a couple of times before being able to see that the other Death Eater had gotten off of the floor and was restraining Regulus. He still had his mask on, but Severus could hear clearly the voice of Evan Rosier saying,

"Shh, it's ok, calm down sweetie, calm down." Regulus looked like he was doing nothing of the sort, his handsome features scrunched up and red with fury. He was fighting adamantly against Evan, as he continued to try and calm him down while Severus just stayed panting against the wall, wand still tightly in hand. He knew it was a dangerous risk being here out in the open where any muggle could stumble upon them or worse, a wizard.

"Please Reg, you have to believe me," he said, trying to speed everything up so they'd be able to move.

"Why?" he spat harshly. Severus knew that he couldn't use their old friendship as a shield like he had with Lucie.

"You know why they let me out… because I couldn't have committed them all. I couldn't have been at them all at the same time,"

"You poisoned her!" he said renewing his struggling in Evan's arms, "you knew everything about potions!"

"And they managed to get a witness account minutes after each murder! Reg I didn't do it!" he finished pleading, hands outwards in surrender. But Reg wasn't listening and had finally broken Evan's grip and lunged forward, throwing Severus to the ground. He knelt on top of him, hands at his throat. He made an undignified squawk noise, but soon recovered croaking, "I know you loved your cousin, she was a brilliant kid and I'm sorry, but I didn't kill her." Regulus stayed still for the longest time, his hands still strangling Severus. Finally, Regulus let go of his neck and Severus rolled onto his side.

"I'm still pissed off at you," Regulus said getting up, "but you saved my life. I guess that means I can't kill you," he sighed like it was some great loss and reached down to help pick him up.

"Thank you," he said breathlessly, steadying himself on his feet.

"You saved us," Evan said incredously, still with his mask on.

"I heard that that was the only way to get in." Evan and Regulus shared a look

"Lucie," Evan muttered.

"Why would you want in? I thought you were friends with those Mudbloods." Severus chose to ignore that.

"Dumbledore, he asked me to join, to be his spy." His old friends looked at him in shock. "But if he thinks that I'm going to work for him, after he sentenced me, to life in prison, he's got another thing coming," he finished harshly. Regulus stared intensely down at the floor in confusion; Evan took his silver mask off and, like Regulus, threw it to the ground. His face was slightly redder than his hair and glistening with sweat.

"Then," he swallowed, "then what are you planning on doing?" Regulus looked up unable to hide his curiousness.

"Take me to your Lord and I'll tell you."


	7. Chapter 7

hey! This is the final chapter of part 1! Hopefully you'll like it :). There will now be a two week break before I upload again, because I kind of need to write the next two parts, but it maybe longer as I do have to revise now it getting close to exam time. Anyway, enjoy and review!

* * *

They waited around until it was dark. Apparently neither Regulus nor Evan knew where their 'master' was until their marks burnt. Evan's told him this as if talking about Master and marks burning was a normal thing, probably was to him, and soon would be for him too. He swallowed the bile that was threatening to come up his throat. His old friends had believed him, thank God, partly because it was true, if he was doing this for himself he probably would have joined Voldemort just out of spite. But he wasn't doing this for him. Regulus was glaring at him right now, sitting against the opposite wall to where Severus was. His wand had mysteriously disappeared, possibly now in Evan's possession, who was putting up wards up to stop them being stumbled upon. When he was done he slumped down beside Severus.

"Why did you let me speak?" Severus asked quietly, Evans didn't answer immediately, but moved into a more comfortable position and brushed his red frizzy hair out of his eyes.

"I was actually there when they took you away," he muttered finally, looking away from Severus embarrassed, "I heard you screaming, even if you had done it…you seemed sorry."

"So you think I did do it?"

Evan shrugged,

"I don't know what to think. But if you said you didn't…" he trailed off, looking at Regulus who was trying to kill Severus with his eyes, "do you know who did?"

"I wish people would stop asking that question,"

"You don't know?"

He shook his head, "I thought Regulus was still in school?" he said, changing the subject, if Evan noticed it, he didn't say anything.

"His parents are…'home schooling' him, it's their excuse to allow him serve the Dark Lord, they're very proud," he said, almost mockingly.

"But you're not?"

"Its…" he didn't seem to be able to find the right word, "he's seventeen," his voice wobbled. Evan had always been the mother hen of Slytherin, he could be sly and practically destructive if you got on his wrong side, but mostly he just cared too much for his friends. They fell into silence as darkness fell and the street lights flickered and buzzed above them.

"Ouch!" Evan grabbed his left arm wincing as Regulus, across the alley, was gritting his teeth to stop himself from crying out. Severus stayed still, helpless, watching his friends withering until, finally, they fell back, panting slightly.

"We have to go." Severus swallowed but was unable to move the lump in his throat, this was it, and this was _it_. Evan helped him up and held onto his arm and held onto Regulus' waist with his other arm. The sensation of apparation didn't help the feeling of sickness in his stomach, but he kept himself upright when he landed in the dark room. It looked to be a pureblood manor, judging by the bulls rubbing up the walls in engravments, he guessed it was an Avery's. All around them more were apparating, wearing masks like Evan and Reg. Lucie could be there or his brother, even if they were they gave him no sign, it was just a faceless circle. In front of him was the only other person who wasn't wearing a mask. There was a muttering going throughout the ring of people, possibility about him, but it stopped when the man lifted his grey skeletal hand and beckoned him forward. Evan gave him a little push as his legs felt like lead.

"Kneel," the man hissed, sounding more like a snake than a man. Severus blushed slightly, feeling silly having to kneel in front of so many. "Do you know who I am, Severus Snape?" Severus became very self-conscious, he supposed it was possible that someone had told this man his name, but even so it was very hard to stop himself raising his occulemency shields any more than he had. He looked up at the face underneath the hood and black eyes met snake ones.

"I'm guessing you're Voldemort," pain. Everywhere he felt pain; his bones being crushed into dust, his eyes being plucked away piece by piece, his blood boiling burning his muscles and cooking his stomach and when there was nothing left of his body to torture him, the pain continued. After a lifetime under the spell it stopped, Severus left panting and sobbing on the floor, no sign of damage on his body.

"I am the Dark Lord," hissed the voice from above him, but his eyes were too blurry to make out the face. "Get up," he stumbled onto his knees and then, unsure of Voldemort's instructions he tried to stand. A hand on his head stopped him; it was cold and clammy and made him want to throw up.

"Do you believe you could be of use to me?" Severus not trusting his voice nodded. "How?" Severus took several deep breaths before being confident enough to actually speak the words.

"Dumbledore. He wanted me to spy against you and to put me into his order, I'll know everything about their plans." He stopped there, knowing that if he spoke anymore he'd probably pass out. Voldemort offered no comments nor asked any questions, he just took Severus' left arm and pressed his wand into it. He didn't know if this was worse or better than the Cruciatus. It was only in his left arm but it was real, the burning sensation in his arm was not the creation in his mind by the spell, he could see it blackening as it burnt and could smell the burning flesh, this time he did vomit and the Cruciatus curse was on him again. It was on longer this time, until Severus, in his pained mind, started to believe that there only ever been pain and the life before was just something his insane mind had made up. It stopped and Severus was left as a shaking mess, the circle was unmoving, more like a wall than a circle of actual people. None of them moved, he could feel no sympathy from the thoughts in the air, only fear. _'__Cowards,'_ he thought, _'__and you're not,'_ said a voice, it sounded like hers. He stopped shaking, he wouldn't let her see him, _'__get up and thank him, it's what he wants, strong, _loyal_people,'_ he somehow managed to get onto his knees without passing out.

"Thank you…my Dark Lord," the words felt strange on his tongue but he knew better than to risk the Cruciatus again, Voldemort's feet moved into his line of vision.

"Perhaps you _are_ of use," he said quietly, so only Severus could hear. He kept his head bowed until a hand pulled his head up, again it made him want to throw up, even though he was kneeling in the entire content of his stomach. "Return to Dumbledore, tell him you have…fooled me and tell him what you saw and experienced here. No names accept one." Severus could hear the loathing in his voice when he said, "Tom Riddle. We will complete your induction at the next meeting." The hand left his hair and Severus took it as a que to leave. Mustering what he had left, he rose panting and turned on the spot, praying he'd get to his destination before he passed out.

* * *

He didn't want to wake up. The warmth surrounding him was too intoxicating to give up but the light on his eyelids forced him into consciousness. He was in the Hogwarts hospital ward the light shining through the open windows, he could hear children chatting and laughing in the ground and for one wild moment he thought that it had all been some crazy nightmare. But his illusion was shattered when he sat up and saw the bandages on his left arm. Though the bandage was thick he could still see the dull red of blood through them. His hand trembled as he started to pull at the bandage tearing it away from his skin until he revealed the bloody, angry skin. It was like Lucie's, an ugly dark tattoo of a skull and snake, but it was different on his skin. It was going to stay on his skin forever, the mark of someone else, it would burn and torture him and there was nothing he could do. That didn't mean he didn't try, his fingertips started scratching at the mark, hoping if he pulled off the layer of skin, the last few years of his life could be reversed because nothing was worth what that skull and snake on his arm meant, not even Johanna and her child. Why would they even want to see him now? The skin was wet and slippery under his fingers, but he didn't stop until he felt the satisfying pain and saw a slight red haze in front of his eyes. Hands were on him, pulling his two arms apart, he tried to stop but he felt so weak, he struggled against the forced sleepiness but eventually gave in, hoping that he'd be lucky it was death that was taking him. When he woke up again he had new thicker bandages on and was in a foggy daze, someone must have given him a calming draught. And he wasn't alone this time either, Dumbledore sat beside him. He said nothing to him, just stared at him like he was a young child who had scraped their knee, _'__do you know what I've been through for you, for your greater good? Perhaps you do, you just don't care.'_ The tension in the warded area was broken as Madam Pomfrey walked in.

"Ah you're awake," she said curtly, walking over to Severus bedside and running him over with typical medical exam spells he'd seen her do a hundred times. "All ribs healed," she muttered to herself, "Pelvis healed, tissue damage… healed." He wondered if he had got those injuries in the battle or at the hands of Vol- _his bones being crushed into dust, his eyes being plucked away piece by piece_ –the dark lord.

"Will he be able to leave soon?" Dumbledore asked quietly.

"Yes as long as he keeps his bandages on this time," she turned to glare at him but in her eyes he saw a sparkle of fear, he was come over once again with a great urge to rip off his own skin. "But as long as he gets some rest, he's free to go." He rolled his eyes that had always been her cure for everything.

"Thank you Poppy," Dumbledore stood up and drew his wand, Severus tensed searching wildly around him for his own, "you understand what I'm about to do Poppy?" He looked up seeing the wand wasn't pointing at him but at Madam Pomfrey. His heart clenched, despite all the harsh words he'd spoken to her since the first time he was brought into the wing, he actually quite liked the nurse.

"I do," she said stiffly and somewhat exasperated, "as I probably did the last time you did this."

Dumbledore smiled slightly before muttering, "Oblivate." her eyes went blank, and with another flick of his wand, Dumbledore sent her on her way out. He sat back down as Severus tried to control himself inside as well as he was outside, _'__she's ok, its fine, its fine,' _the calming draught helped bring his heart beat back to its normal pace.

"My boy-" Dumbledore started quietly, but Severus didn't want his pity, so spoke over him,

"He has accepted me into his ranks as a spy against you, he wanted you to know what I went through to get the mark," he twitched his left arm, "but I doubt you'll want to hear the gruesome details, he also wanted me to tell you a name." He turned to watch Dumbledore's expression, "Tom Riddle," Dumbledore looked down at his arms, "know of him?"

"He was a student who went astray," he looked up, piercing, twinkling blue eyes making Severus turn away. "Any other names?" _'__Evan, Reg, Lucie, all my friends and family in short,'_ he shook his head,

"They all wore masks, and…_he_ was the only one to speak," but he imagined Dumbledore was smarter than that so, once again spoke over him. "I've kept my promise," he whispered harshly, "now it's your turn," Dumbledore leaned back and observed him with a business like stare.

"Very well," he said, "they are expecting you to be staying with them," he said fiddling for something in his pocket, "I told them that something…was wrong with your house." The man had the audacity to give him a smile as he pulled out a battered old wrist watch. "I think it'd be best if I went with you," he said holding one end of the portkey out to Severus. Severus tried his best to hide his anticipation as he took hold. He felt a pull at his navel and somehow managed to keep his footing when he landed again. It was a hallway, with a wooden panel floor and plasterboard walls. Its light colours gave an all-round brightness to the place but to Severus it seemed like the most daunting five foot passage way he'd ever been in, and he grew up in a house without windows. At the end was a door and through it he could hear muffled voices. He would have debated turning back as doubt seeped into his mind, if it wasn't for Dumbledore's presence behind him. He walked forward, drawing his wand, knowing Black would be here somewhere, ready to hex him. But when he turned the handle, there was no Black in sight. He was in the doorway of a bright kitchen that seemed to be battling over order and chaos. Shelves of colour coded foods above scattered books and magazines. Polished, dust free floors, covered in building blocks. A happy gurgle caught his attention. She had his hair, short black hair, mostly held back by a headband but a small lanky strand fell into her eyes. Other things were clearly Johanna; hazel eyes, colour filled skin and short button nose. Everything else was filled in with the soft round features of a toddler. Severus was unable to process what his eyes were showing him, what he'd done all this for this child, to see this child. He felt every emotion he could at once. Fear, of having fatherhood thrust upon him, disappointment and sadness as he realised he couldn't raise her, anger at what Potter Black and Dumbledore had taken away from him. But most shocking of all, was the relief, relief he could see her, see she was safe. It wasn't happiness but it burned strongly inside of him as if it was. She smiled a toothless smile at him and he couldn't stop himself smiling back.


	8. Chapter 8

Hey! Finally starting this again! Hope you enjoy!

* * *

He spent what felt like a lifetime starting at that little girl. They were the only two beings in existence, until peaceful bubble was popped by Dumbledore, "Mrs. Black, I've brought your guest over,"

"Have you now?"

His stomach gave a pleasant lurch at the sound off his old girlfriend's voice. He snapped his head round to where her voice had come from. She didn't look as dazzlingly as she had at Lily's wedding but his heart still leapt at the sight of her. He wished he could say she had the same reaction. When she saw him, she eyes widened and a wand was pointed at his face. She looked truly terrified and it hurt his heart to know that was cause be him. He'd thought she would have been clever enough to know he hadn't committed any of the murders, that she had known him well enough to understand. But then her eyes flickered over the oblivious toddler. His shoulders sagged as he realized she thought he was going to take their child.

"What's he doing here?" She demanded, gritting her teeth, never taking her eyes off Severus as she talked to Dumbledore.

"Now calm down Johanna, Severus here was freed and cleared of all charges, he has come to the side of the light," Dumbledore put his hand on Severus shoulder, "he has become a spy for us and in return we offer him a home. That is where you come in

"You never told me he was who we were housing,"

Before Dumbledore could speak, Johanna slap her wand down on the table,

"Fine, tying to argue with you is something I know is pointless so I'd rather not waste my energy," she pursed her lips, looking between the two, Severus heart jumped each time she looked at him.

"Should I get you something to eat?"

"Not for me Johanna," Dumbledore said, but Severus still refused to look at him, unable to take his eyes off his old girlfriend. "But I believe Severus would most enjoy some tea in his new home, Severus, Johanna,"

"Dumbledore," Johanna muttered back. It took Severus a minute to realize Dumbledore was saying goodbye. He turned round to see the kitchen door closing, leaving the two alone. The kitchen was silence except for ticking kitchen clock and the tiny girl gurgling happily at the mess she'd made. Johanna just started at him, hands on hips,

"You got out,"

He jumped when she spoke, "Yes," he said slowly, "I was innocent,"

She smirked, "that didn't keep you out of jail though," she turned around, opening cupboard doors, until she had all the ingredients for a sandwich. He sat down as she made him some food, next to his daughter. _His daughter_, it all sounded strange to him. She noticed him starting and waggled a slither of slimy pear in his face. He wrinkled his nose,

"No thank you,"

it didn't deter the little girl, waving it again, babbling loudly

"You better take it," Jo said, buttering a piece of beard, "she won't stop until you do," he took it out of her chubby hand with the tips of his fingers,

"Thank you," he said, putting it quickly down on the table,

"She's stubborn,"

"Gets it off her mother,"

Jo smirked again, "Yes, but she's as naive as her father,"

"Well Black always was always an idiot,"

"I wasn't talking about Black," the tension in the room went up, Jo staring straight at Severus, changeling him,

"Oh, so I'm stupid now, what exactly have I done?"

she didn't speak immediately but continued to make his meal, she put it down in front of him, her hair brushing over his cheek as she did do and sat down on the other side,

"You left me,"

"I left you? You make it sound like I had a choice,"

"You did have a choice!" she snapped, slamming her hand down on the table. She turned her attention to their child, hoping she wasn't disturbed, but the happy two-year-old continued to munch away at her breakfast.

"You had the choice to not try and remake a demon summoning potion!" she whispered but the anger was still there, "it could have gone wrong, you could have been found out!" she ran her hands through her hair taking out the hair tie and started playing with it,

"I was going to tell you that morning, because if you'd been successful with this potion, what was to stop you going further into rediscovering the blood magic until you'd sold all our soles! But no, by then you'd already been arrested,"

she glared up at Severus, his fists clenched, he'd done nothing wrong! If anything he'd done all of this for _her_.

"You left me, left me to raise a child outside of wedlock. As if my parents didn't hate me enough." she finished bitterly,

"So is that your excuse? For running off with Black?"

She looked back at Phoenix, blushing slightly, "Black always had feelings for me and I needed a father for Phoenix, he seemed like an okay choice," she shrugged and looked back at him, "jealous?"

"Frankly Jo, I'm still too in shock to be jealous,"

she smiled, actually smiled at him and he couldn't help smiling back. They were safe all that hard work had paid off he could see them here, safe and sound. The peaceful quiet in the kitchen was interrupted by the loud creaking of floor boards above. Johanna groaned,

"That'll be Sirius," she said getting up from the table,

"Not enjoying life in paradise?"

she glared at him again but said, "of course not, at least your stupidity made me laugh, he's such an idiot some days I just want to cut his head open to see if there's any actual brains in there," she moved away from the table, but Severus grabbed her wrist before she could,

"Then…we could-?"

She laughed at him before he could finish, "you are stupid." She ran her hands though her hair again, switching the hair tie from wrist to wrist, "I'll warn him you're here," she walked to the door and spun round to face him again, "Phoenix is_his_ daughter, do you understand?"

He nodded gripping his wand tight in his hand, ready for whatever black threw at him. Actually black had taken it quite well. Yes, he had told Severus that if he betrayed the order he would kill him, but there had been no hexes cast and no vile words exchange and once again the room descended in to an uncomfortable silence.

"What exactly are you doing for the order?" Jo asked him when she showed him to his room. It was bare of any furniture apart from a single bed and empty bookshelf on the white wall behind it.

"What are _you_ doing for the order?"

"I'm innocent witch ready to do anything to save our great society," she said mockingly, holding a hand her heart, "you're a recently released prisoner,"

He glared at her but she merely picked at the peeling plaster in the doorway.

"I joined the dark lord, Dumbledore wants me to spy for him." he shrugged, sitting down the bed. Johanna didn't seem as indifferent, rising to her fill height, fists clenched at her sides

"Why did you do _that_?" Jo said through gritted teeth. Severus opened his mouth to snap that it had been Dumbledore's idea to do that, but closed it again when he realized that he said that, it would lead to uncomfortable questions about why he'd even agreed. Did he want her to know she and his daughter he'd never met were the reason he'd risked his life. In the end his pride won, and he remained silent.

Jo tutted, "You really are stupid,"

He bit the inside of his cheek. Jo grabbed the door and it creaked until she half closed it.

"I'll leave you then, I don't suggest exploring the rest of the house, Sirius is on tether hooks as it is, but you can go out, you are our guest," she bowed sarcastically, "oh and, don't think about going near Phoenix."

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Hope that was okay and leave a Review!


	9. Chapter 9

She left after that, he didn't know if that was because she was bored or angry. Perhaps just disappointed. He sighed, staring down at the feast she'd prepared him. It was like a private Hogwarts breakfast feast; everything he could possible want to eat for breakfast, cooked eggs, bacon and beans, porridge with honey and sugar on the side, toast with several stacked pots of spreadable and coffee. He stared at the coffee and took a sip.

He felt like crying. They never gave the prisoners in Azkaban anything more than a puddle of bland soup three times a day that had looked like dish water and tasted much worse. Sometimes he hoped they'd just let him strave. He'd never eaten much in the first place, but he'd always had coffee, he forgot that taste of coffee, he forgot that he had missed it. Johanna had remembered how he liked it as well. It was scolding as he tipped it backwards, steam cling to his face. It made him feel sick and his throat burn, it made him feel human to have such luxuries. However, the sudden intake of sustenance made his stomach turn and twist until it forced him to run to the bathroom to throw it all back up. The bathroom across the hall was just a sink and toilet but Johanna had also kitted out with what he needed. Towels, flannels, soap.

A razor.

It was placed so neatly on the sink, the blade facing him. _'__Johanna put it there. She would love me more if I just ended it.' _But not everything revolved around Johanna. He got up from the floor to clean out his mouth and just so happened to pick up the razor, he was just looking at how sharp it was. _'__if I had had more courage to kill myself after Azkaban, that girl would still be alive.' _

"Oi!"

The door hit the wall with a bang as someone ran into the bathroom. He jumped to see who had entered, the razor slipping from his hand and to the floor. There was now a small girl sitting on the toilet, her dungarees around her feet. He blinked, mouth gaping, unsure how to process the intrusion. It wasn't Phoenix, this girl was older, around about five, with light brown pigtails and hazels eyes. She was sucking on her thumb and kicking her tiny legs. He looked away, looking down at the sink, still unable to move.

"Who are you?" she asked loudly.

"Umm…" _'__Severus, Severus Snape,'_ his brain supplied "err…" the small girl's intrusion had had him dumb, unable to speak, "umm," he repeated as the girl got off the toilet and flushed it.

"What the fuck are you doing Snape?"

He sighed, no peace today, at all. He turned to face Black, who had also stormed into the bathroom.

"Should you be swearing in front of children, Black?"

Black looked down at this new tiny girl.

"Are you gonna say fuck to anyone?"

She shook her head, her pigtails smacking her cheeks, as she pulled her dungaree straps onto her shoulders.

"Good," he looked back at Severus,

"What the fuck are you doing in here? With little girl?"

His hand twitched, "Nothing. She barged in here."

"I needed the toilet," the girl said pouting.

Black almost looked disappointed he didn't have a reason to throw Severus out, that didn't stop him bitterly saying, "Don't ever do that Dora, especially with him, I don't want you ever to be alone with him."

"Who is he?" Dora said staring at him,

"I'm Severus," he finally managed to say, before Sirius could put any cruel names in her mind,

"I'm Nyphadora."

And he thought his name was weird, she extended an unwashed hand which he could, trying not to laugh as Dora tried to stretch her entire hand around his.

"What were you doing in here Snape?"

"Is that any of your concern?" he asked picking up the razor from the floor. Black raised his eyebrows looking at the razor,

"Oh I'm sorry," he started as Severus pushed past him, "didn't realised I was interrupting you doing that, I wouldn't have stopped you."

* * *

God-fucking-dammit. He was not going to let Black get to him. He was certainly not feeling embarrassed about thinking about suicide. He _definitely_ wasn't blushing about it.

"You haven't finished your breakfast Severus." Johanna hadn't even looked up as he entered the long dining room. She had her glasses on, scratching away at the piece of paper she was holding down firmly on the kitchen table.

"No, umm… who's the new kid?"

Johanna sighed, looking over the top of her glasses,

"Nyphadora, Sirius' cousin's daughter," she chewed her quill, "His first cousin once removed that would be. She's staying round for a little while," she sighed again, clearly not liking the small child. "Did she go into your room?"

"No, bathroom. Oh yeah, thanks for the coffee, you remembered how I like it."

She shrugged looking back at her writing, "Black and no sugar. It hardly difficult to remember."

Severus fiddled with the wand in his waist band as Johanna refused to look up at him.

"Here'a."

He looked down. Phoenix was offering a red wooden block. He hadn't noticed his own daughter playing at his feet, '_what a scaringly domestic thought_.' She was drooling slightly and chewing her black hair, _'__my hair,' _as she wiggled the red cube at him. He looked up at Johanna, she was still staring at paper. He crouched down next to Phoenix.

"Thanks," he said quietly, smiling at the gurgling two-year-old. She slapped her hands together, waddling back to her tower of multi coloured bricks. She returned with another brick, then another until Severus found he couldn't hold them anymore. He started putting them on the floor, Phoenix adding bricks to the tower he was apparently now building. Behind him, he heard Sirius and Dora rushing down the stairs and he stilled, wondering if he should more away or stand his ground? Fortunately, the two's footsteps travelled away to some other part of the house and he sat more comfortably on the floor with his daughter. He found himself becoming somewhat calmed by the block placing, making each row as the blocks were passed to him. He stopped to look at Phenoix as she continued to add her own blocks. She was wearing a white dress with splattering with shining dribble and food stains and was wearing cat patterned socks which had nearly slipped off from her constant running between the two towers.

"Here." He grabbed the child, who wiggled in his grasp trying to return to her tower once more. He wiped her chin with his sleeve and pulled her socks up for her, which she immediately got down again as she skipped back to her tower. Phoenix had now become more excited, bouncing over to him and hitting him with the block, giggling,

"Hey!" he grabbed her hand carrying the block, then the other to hold her still, but she continued to jump, swinging from side to side as if they were dancing. He had to laughing at her, touched by his daughter acceptance of him as he kept hold of her.

He'd forced a girl down to the ground with those hands and had raped and murdered her.

He ripped his hands out of his daughter's, making her cry out slightly, sniffing violently. They'd force him to do it again, to her. No, not his daughter. There was blood everywhere, pouring from the cracks in the ceiling, out from the bottom of his shoes. It ran quickly, bubbling until there was a red haze surrounding him. He couldn't see his daughter, lost in haze. Not his daughter, no, no, God no. He was falling, hands on him, the haze swallowing him. They were going send his back.

The haze disappeared instantly, but his damaged mind refused to admit this as he looked dumbfounded at the hand holding his arm. It was His, he flinched away but the long red nails dug into his upper arm. Johanna had her hand clutching him and her free arm holding the still sniffing and teary eyed Phoenix.

"She okay?"

"She just took a little tumble. Are you?"

He stared at Phoenix, who had buried her head in her mother's shoulder, she was safe, he was safe. After he didn't answer, Johanna let go of him, resettling Phoenix,

"I told you not to touch her."

He didn't want, not while his hands still were covered in blood. He sat down at the table, brushing his hair from his forehead, which was covered in sweat.

"What happened sweetheart?"

Black had come in the girl following behind him. He'd gone straight for Phoenix who was wriggling in her mother's hands. He took the toddler from Johanna, lifting her into the air.

"Aww, what's my baby girl crying about?" he cooed as Phoenix babbled back. Severus watched them from the corner of his eye. It wasn't that he hated Black because he thought Phoenix was his but that Black was making Phoenix happy when Severus had made her cry. He wanted Black to be just as bad a father as he was shaping up to be.

"Who are you?"

He looked down at Dora, who had her arms folded, looked up at Severus with suspicious squinted eyes. He wondered what Black had told her,

"Severus."

"That's a stupid name."

_'__Says Nymphadora.'_ "Well that's my name. I told you that, remember?"

"Yes but who are you?"

He cocked his head to one side until Dora rephrased her question, "Why are you here?"

"Well I'm your aunt and uncle's _guest_," he looked up at them when he said it, Johanna was refusing to look at him while Black glared at him. The corners of his mouth twitched as Dora tugged on his trousers.

"But why are you here?"

He took a guess at what she meant, "I'm helping them."

She cocked her head as well, squinting until her eyes were closed, "but aren't you meant to be the bad guy."

So Black had spoken to her.

"No I'm… well I'm not the bad guy."

She continued to squint for a minute, before beaming at him.

"Alright!" she skipped away, looking down at Phoenix's tower. She giggled at it, and pushed the top blocks off.

"Hey!" he snapped, taking a strange feeling of offence at the destruction, "Don't knock that over."

"Oi Snape you don't get to speak like that to Dora!"

Phoenix started crying softly again,

"Right- sit down!" Johanna yelled as Severus got up, reaching for his wand. He slowly lowered himself, displaying his hands in surrender, "Right, Siri no shouting at our guests, Snape no shouting at other guests, Dora, just…calm down."

Dora blushed staring at her feet, Severus wished he hadn't shouted now.

He found himself in pain again. He bent forward, hissing, wondering if he was lapsing again. But when the nauseating pain became just stinging pain in his arm he felt dread come over. _'__not now.'_

"You okay?" Johanna was beside him. No, she couldn't see it. He squeezed his arm tighter, his stomach twisting at the idea of her seeing the ugly mark. Black groaned and stormed over,

"You're not actually fucking killing yourself," he groaned, forcing Severus' sleeve out of his hand, revealing the mark. They physically stepped back from him. They were repulsed by him. Black seemed actually afraid of him Although Johanna was staring at his arm, she wasn't looking at the mark, rather the black tattooed marks around his wrist. _'__Did you think I wouldn't succeed?'_

"I…" he started, standing and roughly pulling his sleeve down. He left without completing his sentence, he strode out the door of the kitchen, the light from his wrists the only light in the hallway as he made his way of the door.

* * *

"I have a mission for you," the Dark Lord was saying as Severus laid sprawled on the ground. Apparently wearing his muggle clothes was a tortureable offense, frankly everything seemed like a tortureable offense.

"For me?"

"For you to accompany others on."

Severus rose gingerly to his feet. It was cold and a strong breeze was blowing where he stood, salt in his eyes and mouth. He was by the grey coast surrounded by nine cloaked and masked Death Eaters. He wondered if they had their cloaks on hand at all times to make sure they didn't end up like him. As if the Dark Lord had read his mind, which was impossible as he had made sure, a black cloak and silver mask appeared at his feet. He bowed, muttering thanks, but the Dark Lord wasn't looking at him, instead over his shoulder at the Death Eater behind him.

"Shylock, I'll leave them with you."

Severus tried not to show any emotion until the Dark Lord had gone, before turning, staring at his masked brother. He didn't know whether to be excited that he was here or sickened. Nevertheless, he was going to have to open his mouth soon as the disguised man, who was supposedly his brother, marched up to him. Severus may have grown in his stay in prison but Shylock had grown taller, still towering over his younger brother. Shylock wrapped one arm around Severus muttering,

"You got out."

Severus took three shaky breaths before he believed he was well enough to speak, "They…d-dropped the charges,"

"Pity. I thought you'd made me proud."

Shylock finally let go, Severus unclenching this fists allowing himself to shake.

Shylock turned to the group, "There is a portkey there," he pointed to a burnt patch of ground surrounded by unkempt brown grass where an old crinkled map lay, "any of you not touching it when we go, better be dead when we return or else I'll have to kill you,"

Severus wondered if any of the others knew how frightening that was.

"What exactly are we doing?" He asked following his brother to the map, as he pulled the black cloak over his head.

"We're going to France, Nice to be precise. There a wizarding cult there that his Lordship wants us to reach out to. He wishes to take our cause internationally," Shylock chuckled to himself as they stood by the map, "it's about you, and them proving their worth to him."

"And what about you?"

Shylock looked his watch in silence, Severus realising he wasn't going to be able to sleep this entire journey. Before Severus could stutter out an apology, Shylock yelled at the group around the map, "Right it's time! Grab a corner and don't you dare let go."

Severus knelt beside the map, grabbing a side, his other hand still holding the silver mask. Looking at the other masked people around him, he felt embarrassed not to put it on. It sealed to his face, moulding perfectly to it. He breathed hard through his nose, feeling more scared and sickened now than ever before. They truly could send him back to Azkaban now. _'__They can't, Dumbledore told me to this, I'm doing it for the right reasons.' _Somehow he wasn't so sure of that. He felt a pull at his navel and the cold English coast disappeared.


	10. Chapter 10

He had only just stopped spinning, finally being able to see the thick pine forest they had landed in, when he was struck by a heavy force in his side, toppling him to the floor again. The solid force stayed on top of him as he struggled on the ground, trying to reach for his wand, cursing his mask with its bad peripheral vision when the force spoke,

"I'm so glad to see you Sev," the 'force' hugged him tighter.

"Selina?"

He tried to sit up and look at his sister but she kept him firmly gripped in her arms against the leaf and branch covered woodland floor.

"Ugh! I knew you'd be okay."

"Selina!"

Selina flinched and Severus hissed as Shylock yelled at them. She hastily let go of him and righted herself, keeping her masked face down and shaking hands by her side, cowering from their older brother. Severus finally got off the floor, glaring at Shylock for scaring their little sister. The seven other hooded Death Eaters were also getting up, three had their masks off, bending over, clearly not used to portkey travelling. Another stood up and looked around at the forest before turning to Shylock,

"This isn't Nice," he snapped, gritting his teeth and holding his short black wand out.

"Personally I think it's quite lovely," Selina whispered. He tried to smile, trying to mask his immense relief at how familiar it was. She was still Selina, and here.

That meant she must have- he didn't want to think about what that meant, his relief turning into cold dread that made him sick. He looked back at his brother, who was slowly approaching the much smaller man who had spoken.

"We are in Nice. However, our…hosts would prefer we cannot arrive by magical means. It is two days walk to their abode."

"Two days? Of walking?" the man scoffed, crossing his arms as if sulking.

Clearly this man had a death wish.

"Why not get us closer then?"

Shylock was now towering over the man, Selina backing into Severus, those around them were now standing stock still, completely silence and those who had taken off their masks had quickly returned them to their faces.

"What exactly do you think this would entail."

"Killing filthy Muggles, what else?"

"And what about listen to what your Lord wants you to do."

The man scoffed again. Selina whimpered, grasping Severus' arm for just a moment before letting go.

"You know, it would almost sound like you're not up for the challenge. I mean if walking is too much for you then how exactly do you expect you can be of use to us."

Now the man seemed to get it. He tried to step backwards,

"No what I meant was-"

Shylock grabbed the man's shoulder with a black gloved hand.

"What you meant was, that you don't want to do this."

"I want to kill something not… ah just listen," he tried to shake off Shylock's hand, but it moved up to the man's neck and picked him up, the short man almost quacking and waggling his feet.

"Now unless you weren't aware," he raised his voice to the entire crowd, "Me and my little sister over here, are meant to keep an eye on you rookies and if any of one prove to be nothing more than loose ends, then-"

"Ah, er no I'm can- I was just asking. Jesus please don't kill me."

Shylock put the man down, who stumbled back, gasping for air.

"You want to kill people?"

"Yeah, I want to, I-I need to."

"But you know, we all need to do things we don't like doing. Right Selina?"

Selina jumped, making Severus try and catch her hand as she marched straight up to their brother.

"Yes, S-Shylock?"

"Do you like killing people?"

Severus slowly walked around to stand with the others, watching Selina shaking her head vigorously, unable to see her face through her mask. _'__what are you doing Shylock?'_

"But you do what you need to do for our cause," he bent over to her height condescendingly, "now don't you?"

Selina stood still for a fraction longer, before her shoulders dropped and she drew her wand.

"Wait what-" was the only the man got out before Selina hit him with the killing curse.

The group moved backwards as one at the horror that had occurred in front of them, leaving Severus to watch Selina lower her wand, her back slumped in defeat. It wasn't that he had seen Selina cast any illegal spells before, she certainly had liked creating them. But she had never killed anyone, she wasn't Shylock, she wasn't him. Selina was the one who made cookies and ate when she was painfully full. She always tried to make friends and made bad comebacks at her bullies. She was meant to be weak and pathetic, a heart of gold that was easy to pick on. Now she was digging a shallow grave with her wand. It didn't feel like it was happening. His sister didn't murder people. The Death Eaters around him gasped as Selina dragged the body into the small pit. They were starting to irritate him, at least it had only been a killing curse, Shylock could have done much worse. But he'd made Selina do it this time, Shylock had probably made her join- if he had had to rape someone, had they made Selina? It had been pulling at his heart since he'd known she was here. Now she'd murdered someone, _Shylock_ had made her murder someone.

"Anyone else got any complaints?"

Complete silence.

"Good." He picked up the map from the floor, "Selina, get a move on with that." He snatched her wand from her hand and Severus felt his feet jerk slightly towards them, he stopped himself unsure he was exactly planning on doing,

"Severus with me."

Shylock strode ahead of them all, the other masked Death Eaters following suit.

"Selina," Severus whispered, walking towards her, where she stood staring down at the body in its pit and the pile of soil beside it.

"Severus!"

Selina looked up slightly, brown eyes shining and wet, and gestured her head minutely towards their brother.

He sighed, dragging his feet away. "Coming Shylock."

Severus looked around the forest, it was incredibly noisy, the sound of their footsteps on dry leaves added to the hubbub of tweeting birds and grazing animals that couldn't be seen through the thick trees. It was warmer here but a gentle breeze that they were sheltered from by the trees pushed them forwards. He ran past the others to catch up with his brother, who had his mask off while studying the map. Something deep inside Severus still hated how handsome his brother was. It was petty and childish but he thought it unfair that Shylock got both the height and attractiveness, the last two years certainly had done him some favours as well, looking taller and muscular than Severus remembered. He was more tanned, Severus noticed, as well as this the side of his neck was tattooed with gibberish capital letters such as PTU and **SIAL**.

"You must think me harsh brother."

_'__I think much worse of you don't worry.'_

"But Selina has to learn, she's a very misguided person," he looked disgust as if what she was misguided about made him sick. Severus looked behind him at Selina, now pushing dirt into the hole she had made. She had told Severus about her feelings for Lily in his fourth year. His less than warm reaction was probably better in comparison if Shylock ever found out. Probably wasn't a matter of ifs. Severus looked back at the tattoos that ran down Shylock's neck but were mostly hidden by the neckline of the cloak.

"What's with the tattoos?"

Shylock made a noise at the back of his throat, looking back at the map, "Facts, things I need to remember."

Severus held his tongue about how could Shylock see the top of his own neck.

"I see." he said instead. Shylock stopped walking, the small group behind him coming to a sudden halt, one of the women stumbling and slipping in her haste to not hit Shylock.

"This way," he gestured with his head, making the group turn, Selina still not having catched up.

"I know how you feel about Selina, Severus,"

The comment made him jump, as he snapped his head back from watching Selina.

"What do you mean?"

"You care about her. I do too even if you don't think so. You weren't here to look after her."

"That wasn't my fault." he tried to make it sound like he was accusing but with Shylock could easily take anything the wrong way.

"No, so I heard, the times didn't match up. Makes sense really."

"How so?"

"Well I murdered Professor Upton."

Severus stopped walking, this time the people behind him did end up bumping into him. How could he? How could Shylock tell him that he was the reason Severus had gone to prison so easily? At least Potter had been _sorry_. His mouth made movement, but the angry and betrayal pumping through his veins refused to make coherent words. Shylock had turned around, and Severus could felt himself reaching for his wand. He wanted to kill Shylock, he had never wanted to kill anyone more, he needed to, he needed Shylock's blood on his hands to rest the monstrous feelings boiling below the surface.

"What? Are you going to kill me brother?" Shylock laughed.

Brother. Like Shylock had never been anything than another abusive asshole in his house.

"Why?"

"Why?" he chuckled, the group had stopped moving once more. Shylock had also noticed looking at where the frightened masked people were shuffling, unexperienced and scared. _'This is what England's afraid of.'_

Shylock growled under his breath, "We need to keep moving." he muttered, Selina finally catching up.

"No you need-"

Shylock backhanded him, Severus knocking his head against one of the trees,

"I told Him that my past with you wouldn't get in the way, little brother. Don't disappoint me." he moved on, his black cloaked sheep bounding off behind him, leaving Selina to help Severus up.

"Do you feeling okay?"

"Yeah." He felt shit, like his skull had cracked but he was getting used to the feeling. And he was hardly surprised that Shylock had murdered someone and had been glad someone else had taken the fall. But that he had caused the suffering of the last two years of his life. _'two down, one more to go.'_ He'd forgotten about that, not that he could ever forget about Azkaban, but forgotten that others that caused him that suffering, that they needed to pay.

"Come on, he'll get angry if we don't catch up."

Selina pulled him along before they were a little way behind the others and walked together in silence.

"I'm...glad you're alive," she finally said, having taken off her mask and smiled slightly.

"Yeah, and I you, you worried for quite a while actually, I didn't know if you were alive."

"No, I'm fine, Shylock's been looking after me."

_'and what exactly does that mean sister?'_

"Really?" he said causally not wanting to find another reason to kill his brother, as he was sure if he did, one of them would end up dead tonight.

"Yeah. he got this great job after...you...left."

He nodded shortly, both not wanting to stop her talking and unsure if he wanted to find out anything else about what Shylock had done.

"He's let me stay at his since."

"Are you paying rent?"

She looked down and put her mask back on,

"Not in money."

Shylock needed to die, he didn't want to think what that meant but all of the images passing through his mind (Shylock forcing Selina to commit murders like errands, Shylocks tapping his fingers as a table as he watched the effects of a new venom on his sister, Shylock pinning a naked Selina down as she cried), were all punishable by death.

"It's odd isn't it?"

"Hm?" Shylock would die, but from what past experience had taught him, he was bad at covering up murder. _'__that was always Shylock's thing.'_

"That we're travelling through these forest, like this,"

She was trying to change the subject, but Severus was too furious to try and listen. How did he expect to kill Shylock? Someone faster and stronger than him? Someone who still had their original wand? _'Selina could help me.'_ But if Selina had spent two years in Shylock's manipulative grasp it was unlikely she would help.

"I mean I get it?"

"I don't," he said bitterly. Fuck Shylock's plan.

"Well," she said sighing with relief, "what kind of idiots approaches a group of cloaks masked people?"

"Other wizards?"

"But they don't know who we are, the communications between France and wizarding England have become even more strained since the…Dark Lord's declaration of war." He could hear her smirk at the name, "France has its own problems. We're actually visiting one of them," she sounded so excited at the prospect as if she had completely that she had just killed someone. _'__Or completely repressed that she had.' _

"Surely we are then just uniting the two forces?" He didn't mean to snap at Selina but given killing Shylock was probably not an option for now, he had to get out his anger somehow.

"That's if they find out." She was skipping now.

"Hunters." He said definitely,

"Hmm?"

"Hunters would approach us."

Selina chuckled, "We don't look like deer silly," she slapped his arm, "we should have brought Potter," she started laughing louder.

He sighed, trying not to smile, "I've missed you Selina."

"I've missed you too Sev."

While the terrain they were on was flat and sheltered the, from the sun, Shylock kept them moving long into the night. The cold got to them, the group holding their flowing cloaks close to them with only the light from Shylock's wand to guide them through the pitch black forest. Severus refused to complain and kept his jaw locked allowing Selina to chatter without stop as he made noise of encouragement, trying to stop his teeth from chattering. She talked about her NEWT results which were excellent in Severus option (O in Charms, DADA, E in Transfiguration, A in Divination, Herbology and Muggle Studies), about Shylock's job (working in the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures at a low level) and most surprisingly her own job (a shop assistant in a wizarding library on the outskirts of London). While he had no doubts about the hold his brother had over her it was nice to know she had had a little bit of freedom for a short while.

"I had only been working there for six months and then it was Christ…" she trailed off, "Have you… Severus have you been…to see…" she couldn't get the words out, twisting her sleeves in her hands, breathing sharply. He watched her with baited breath, what could possibly so hard to say?

"Jesus have you been home?"

Oh. It was odd to think that he was relieved she was only talking about the death of their parents.

"Yeah I have…did Shylock do that?"

She said nothing.

"So…I've met Fred recently," he said quietly not wanting Selina to suffer in silent.

"Fenrir?"

"Yeah, you heard from him too?"

"Well, Shylock has. He talks about him a lot but he's always angry when he does. I think he wants Fenrir to stop running away…I think." She shrugged, "did you see him?"

"Yes, he's been keeping an eye on me." An annoyingly stalkerish eye. Severus didn't care what he said the werewolf about owls, no one sent random owls to a werewolf.

"Hm. That's odd."

And probably something that would make Shylock jealous. _'__or kill me faster.' _The people in front of him had stopped but due to the darkness he hadn't seen them and collided into their backs.

"Oh sorry, sorry!" Selina whispered, stroking the person in front of her, as if it was helping any of them, until Severus grabbed her wrist.

"Alright!"

Severus' anger boiled up again as Shylock spoke, "We'll camp here for the night. Lumos Maxima!"

Severus shielded his eyes from the bright light that illuminated the clearing. Shylock took the bag off his back with a resounding thump, Shylock pressed his wand into it and muttered under his breath. The bag exploded outwards unfolding itself to impossible lengths, levitating above the ground, higher and higher on invisible hooks until a tent stood before them. Shylock once again gestured with his wand lighting the floor with a ball of fire. He turned into the tent without another word. They followed him inside where there were three bunk beds and three camp beds.

"I hope you can all make yourselves comfortable." Shylock said with a mocking sense of hosting.

"Um," one of the women Death Eaters said, hesitantly raising their hand, "well, what exactly are we meant to get changed into? I…don't know what everyone else has been told but I haven't exactly packed for anything…at all."

"Well," Shylock beamed, making Severus uneasy and by the way the woman Death Eater stepped back, it made her worried too, "clearly, you need to start preparing for everything. Selina!"

They all jumped.

"Um yes Shylock?"

"I'd like to talk to you in private."

No. He wasn't letting Shylock spend any time alone with Selina. He followed them outside of the tent but when Shylock began to lead Selina into the forest, he grabbed her wrist.

"Selina."

"I'm fine," how could he believe that?

"Selina you don't have to go."

"Trust me, I'm fine," she ripped her hand from his grip and ran to catch up with Shylock. He watched them go until the darkness swallowed them and they walked away. Then continued to look out until he couldn't hear their footsteps anymore. He liked to convince himself that Shylock wasn't going to hurt Selina, he had no reason to and he was her _brother_. He felt sick. He turned back to the camp where the others had gathered around the fireball. He sat down on the opposite side, staring into the flames, refusing to think about Selina. _'__Coward.'_

"I can't…"

He looked up at the woman Death Eater was speaking across the fire. She had taken off her mask revealing her brown skinned face and black curly hair, her warm brown eyes almost shining gold as she stared at the fire, "I can't believe Gideon's dead, I've known him since our first year at Hogwarts."

"Trust me, more are going to be dead before this is all over." He hadn't meant to speak, but now all eyes were on him. He hastily became very interested in the leaves that coated the ground. Even if they didn't look alike, the group could probably tell that Shylock and Severus were 'close'.

"What's your name?" The black woman had spoken again,

"Severus. Severus Snape."

"Have you just out of prison recently?" A boy, probably younger than Severus spoke, he had a round face and sandy blond hair. He doubted his case had barely made any headlines after his original arrest, but it filled him with dread that these people could think he actually committed those crimes. He nodded,

"Yeah," the blond boy smiled, "my father was telling me about you. Everyone in his department was on edge that they'd have a media storm after what happened with you. He works for the Department of Magical Law Enforcement, they thought you'd go to the Daily Prophet or something."

"Like they would have cared." In truth it hadn't crossed his mind. Frankly he had no money nor name that would have probably made them interested. He wondered if they had even reported that there were still technically three murders out there. He didn't want to find out, wanting to put as much distance between him and others knowing about what had happened. He would find out soon enough who they all were and kill them, _'__most of them. Jo will never forgive me if I kill James.'_

"My name's Victoria," the black woman said suddenly, now all eyes turned her, "Victoria Boivin."

"Barty," the boy said, offering his hand to the five sitting around him and then to Severus, "Barty Crouch."

Severus definitely recognised the name, perhaps his father had been at his trial. After that each of the others also introduced themselves. There was Penelope Maceachern a Scottish red head who sat next to the only still masked Death Eater. Phillip Chance an older stern looking bald man who sat next to Barty. Baldwin Newport had light brown hair and a face that was usually donned with a smirk from what Severus could remember for their days at Hogwarts together, now his eyes darted back and forth scanning the dark forest. The masked man only shook his head, pointing at his throat.

"How exactly do you know him?" Penelope asked Barty, in a thick deep accent, pointing at Severus.

"He was committed for a quadruple homicide for two years until they released him,"

"Because I didn't do any of them."

"Supposedly," Baldwin said offering a small smug smirk before a snapping twig made him twitch.

"The times didn't match up or something." Barty continued to smirk, making up for Baldwin's lack of arrogance, "My father still thinks you did it, at least some of them, but of course there was no way of proving it, given you pleaded innocent."

Severus was starting to get really sick about hearing about Barty's father.

"You know, it's funny that for a man whose father's in law enforcement, you choose to be a Death Eater."

Barty was unabashed, continuing to smirk, "He's great at his job, not that great a father."

So daddy issues. Great.

"Look, is this a suicide mission, boy?" Phillip booming voice asked, leaning towards Severus

"No, not if you listen to Shylock." As much as he hated to admit it, Shylock was the biggest threat to these people right now.

"And what about while we're doing are mission?"

"Well, I don't know much about that, you'll have to wait for Shylock." He finished, speaking to the forest. He hoped it would make his siblings appear but it took them another half an hour to appear, Selina limping slightly, holding her left arm with her right. _'__Painful and slowly doesn't even begin to describe how you'll die Shylock.'_

"I see you have all made yourselves comfortable." Shylock said approaching, Victoria and Baldwin reached for their masks, just in case.

"They've been asking what exactly we're doing here Shylock?" the others of the group gave him worried looks.

"Like I said, we are to make peace and more importantly connections between us and the French wizarding community, the Raelian," Shylock spat out the name.

_'__A cult, a bunch of killers,'_ Severus thought disdainly but then again what exactly were they?

"Your job is to basically boost our numbers, they're less likely to kill many people and to listen to what I say. We will be here for around five days, two days getting there, three days working out arrangements," Shylock smiled, his teeth looking sharper and pointed in the fireball, staring down at them all like prey. "Do as I say and you'll live."


	11. Chapter 11

The rest of the night was uneasy, mainly for Shylock's dramatic tone when he'd spoken to them, as if he thought this was all hilarious, putting them, or at least Severus on edge. But also because no one had any clothes to change into, they all seemed clueless and fumbled awkwardly about the tent, no one wanting to either sleep naked or fully clothed. In the end Penelope, the Scottish red head, decided first, stripping down to her bra and pants. She began to climb into a top bunk, her fatty thighs shaking with each step before jumping down again and punching Baldwin in the face for wolf whistling. That made Severus stop staring. He decided to sleep in his black cloak, wishing his normal clothes hadn't been left on a cold cliff top in England. He climbed onto a top bunk, watching the fireball grow dim through the still open tent flap. A hand grasped at his mattress making him jump, it continued to hit the bed searching for him. Knowing it could only be Selina, he held out his hand to her which she grasped tightly.

"Night, night Sev."

"Night Selina."

* * *

The field stretch as far as the eye could see, rolling hills of lush tall grass that swayed in a gentle breeze that Severus couldn't feel. In bending grass tuffs, nibbling at the long stems were Muggles, pink flesh spotted with patches of rough brown fur, their long fleshy ears drooping down the sides of their faces, hopping around awkwardly on their legs. A couple close to him looked up at him and he could see their small square pink noses and whiskers yet their eyes were still round and human-like, oddly out of place on their deformed faces. They stared at him for a few moments longer before going back to grazing. It was like he was in a bubble, the grass parting for him before his legs could touch it as he walked through the unending field of uninterested Muggles.

A sudden echoing bang made the Muggles all look up, standing up on their knees, though Severus felt nothing, knowing that whatever it was wouldn't hurt him. The uproar started off in the far distance; the loud bangs of gunshots, the squeals of Muggles the sound of flesh hitting stone. Then he saw them, black specks on the horizon, cackling madly as they grabbed the dumbfounded muggles, the sound of gunshots signalling the slaughter that was happening. The muggles surrounding him started to scurry away, some hopping away on all fours, some running, but the hunters were fast and soon were shooting at muggles around Severus, some close enough to holding them down, crushing their necks and skulls with boots and bats. The animalistic squealing turned into a ruckus of human screaming as everyone he'd ever known massacred the defenceless muggles that howled and cried but did nothing to stop their fate.

"Oi boy," it was his father, holding the shoulder of a blind old Muggle, a gun of the back of their head, "stop being such a pussy. It's just a rabbit." The blind man neck exploded outwards, blood and speckles of his flesh spattered the grass.

No can't you see, Severus wanted to yell, they're people.

"Don't worry Sev," Selina picked up a red faced balling baby, lifting it over her head "they're just animals." She brought it down with all her might.

"Is that really how you see me?"

The scene frozen and melted away as he turned around to face Selina, the real Selina. She was wearing a yellow dress, her hair long and curled, her face unblemished, glowing in this dream world.

"Um," his noise of confusion echoed around…. "where are we?" he asked noticing that they were no longer in the grassland.

Selina looked around the black abyss that they were somehow standing on and shrugged, "I don't know, I sometimes bring Shylock here when he has nightmares."

"Shylock has nightmares?"

"I think we all do."

Selina started skipping away from him, he followed slightly behind, watching the only light source dance ahead of him.

"Do you remember that rabbit?" he asked once she stopped, though it didn't look like they'd moved, the abyss being unchanging.

"Yep, dad smashed its head in. it wouldn't have lived anyway." She shrugged, "I'm surprised you actually cared about it," she added, almost questioningly.

"You were the one who cried."

"Yes but you are the one having nightmares about it."

"I'm having nightmares about more than that." He hadn't meant to say it out loud, "I guess if this is inside my head, then anything I think inside my head I say out loud."

Selina giggled, "yes you'll get used to it. It took me and Shylock a while."

"Yeah but…if this is real, how can you do this?"

"Um…I'm not sure, I can only do it when you're asleep, it's kind of cool." She grinned,

"How?"

"Well I learnt legilimency, it comes from that…I think," she laughed shyly, staring at her feet.

"This can't be real."

Selina shrugged, "believe what you want."

"So... when did you join? When did he make you join?"

"Not long after we killed mum and father. I think Shylock had been one of them for longer but he never said."

"Did they make- no don't think about it."

Selina shook her head exasperatedly, smiling sadly, "Probably, whatever it is you don't want to say."

He sighed, "you shouldn't be here."

"Maybe, but here I am."

"You don't have to, you could leave."

When she laughed it was cold and hard, "yes, I can just hand in my resignation and they'll just let me go."

"You could at least get away from Shylock, he's… you shouldn't…he deserves to die- _God damit!_"

Selina looked horrified, "he's our brother!"

"He's hurting you or…doing worse."

"He's just scared; I'm trying to help him. You should too."

"Just and Fair, still a Hufflepuff."

"Yes, but is that bad?"

"We're surrounded by murders, it's hardly what you need."

"I can take care of myself, I'm surprisingly clever."

"I know," he smiled, "I will kill him. God this is annoying."

"Why?" she whined, making Severus feel unjustly guilty,

"He's hurt you," as she opened her mouth to argue he added, "he's the reason I went to Azkaban, just because he needs to kill someone to get off!"

"No, it's…not like that, he…the Professor knew something, nothing bad, what Shylock is doing isn't illegal just…people would hate him if they knew."

"The professor knew…what?"

"I can't tell you," she looked panicked now, backing away into the abyss, leaving Severus to squint at her through the darkness.

"Wait Selina!"

"Get some sleep brother." She left, leaving only darkness.


	12. Chapter 12

It almost sounded peaceful outside, Severus was weakly aware of the fluttering tent flaps and bird songs as he woke gradually, tossing in the hard bed, the cold making him more aware that nothing was okay and he was on a suicide mission in France. He didn't know if that was a good thing or not. He stared at the brown cloth roof, deciding he didn't want to die without Johanna knowing where he'd gone. Not that she'd care. He tried to ignore the murderers and cult members around him, trying to just listen to the birds outside and the swaying trees, trying to be _fine_. He sat up finally unable to stay still any longer. He was the first up, everyone else was still asleep. He carefully stepped down the ladder, jumping to the floor. Selina was in one of the camp beds with Shylock, her cloak and mask beside the bed. They almost looked happy and content, Selina curled into Shylock, her head buried in his still cloaked chest, Shylock's arms surrounding her, his chin resting on the top of her head. He sighed, vaguely remembering dreaming of Selina. Something about rabbits and Professor Upton. He shook his head, too tired to dwell on dreams. He turned around, rubbing his eyes to rid them of sleep to find that the nonspeaking still masked man had been sleeping below him. He was pretty sure the man was still asleep but with the mask still on it was impossible to tell. He quickly turned away and hurried out of the tent. It was beautiful out, with the birds singing over one another as if in competition. He sat on the burnt now cold ground where Shylock's fireball had been and he sighed, trying to enjoy how peaceful it was out, trying in vain to ignore the tent of psycho behind him. He had never been outside of England, except to go to Hogwarts and as a child he had never even gone to the seaside, but frankly he'd decided the sea wasn't for him after his long stay in Azkaban. It all felt, at this moment, like a strangely calm getaway that he'd been wrapped into. He wished it was something like that as he watched the brown autumn leaves rustle on the floor and sweep down from the trees. The morning sun made the trees glowing orange, creating long stretching shadows, that patterned the ground with yellow and black. He laid his hands out behind him and watched the birds above as they flew between the trees, bobbing their heads as they sung. They were calming to watch until Baldwin sat down beside him.

"What do you want Baldwin?"

"What? I woke up. Is it a crime to sit down?" he held his legs to his chest, pouting slightly. Baldwin had been in Ravenclaw, who Severus had known in passing, he had thought he was alright until they to do a charms project together in fourth year. He found this new scared version was much more tolerable.

"So…what are you doing here?" Baldwin asked, after a pause.

He sighed, still wanted to constantly talk though, "I thought that would be obvious."

"Did you really not kill them?"

Why did he need to bring _that_ up?

Severus turned and stared at Baldwin for a couple of seconds before saying quietly, "Do you want to find out?"

Baldwin stood, as if to run but decided against it, merely fumbling with his black cloak before crouching down again.

"I mean…when they arrested you…"

Severus rubbed the bridge of his nose, he didn't want to be reminded. The 16th of June had the last day he could remember being happy, instead being followed by the ghosts of crimes he didn't commit.

"Innocent people don't run."

_'__How true.'_

"I had no money or recognisable name, why would they listen to my side?" he crumpled a leaf beside him before muttering, "Did you see me getting arrested?"

"I think everyone did, or at least heard you screaming. To be fair it was pretty scary to watch, they were just dragging you away…I had never seen Dumbledore look so angry."

_'__He never lifted a finger, he could have saved me, seen into my mind and seen that I was innocent...mostly anyway.'_

They sat in what would have been blissful silence, as if not for Severus replaying the scene over and over in his head. He tried to forget about it, not wanting to have another stupid fit in front of anyone.

_"__Please _stop_!"_

No, he wasn't about to do this. He put his hands to his ears.

_"__Fucking-ah! I-I didn't do it!"_

_The men weren't listen, their grasps on his arm growing painfully tight as they forced him through the court yard._

Why hadn't he fought back?

_Faces, so many faces, just…watching. He felt his face burn as tears ran pathetically down. He started to scream, whether out of fear or angry he didn't know. He just wanted someone, _anyone_to stop him from being throw in some hole._

He deserved it.

The snapping of twigs brought him back, gasping heavily as if he'd been drowned. Luckily Baldwin had a similar reaction, jumping up with a short yelp, brandishing his wand. But out of the trees, the sun glowing on its back, plodded a short stag, sniffing at the ground and overturning the leaves with its stout antlers.

"It's only a deer," he said, still taking large breaths. Baldwin refused to lower his shaking wand. Severus hit him, as the deer moved closer to them in search of food.

"Why isn't it running?" Baldwin hissed.

"Wards most likely," Severus whispered, "it can't see us."

It wandered closer. Once again finding the nature captivating to look at he walked towards the deer, as it got closer to the wards. He watched it as it chewed, almost looking at him through the wards, it's eyes slowly blinking. He wanted to reach out and touch it when it suddenly screeched, rearing up. He stepped back hurriedly, thinking he done something, to see a perfectly circular hole, digging through the animal's chest. He turned around to see Shylock watching the deer with mild curiosity.

"Why?" Severus got out, watching the deer stumble to the floor. Shylock said nothing but drag the deer through his wards and take out a knife to skin it.

The morning, like the night was incredibly uncomfortable, no one wanting to talk and hesitantly eating the deer. However, Severus felt a burning question rise up.

"Why? Why did you do it?" he asked looking at Shylock.

Shylock didn't need to ask what he was talking about, "Upton knew too much, I need him to keep his mouth shut permanently."

"About what?"

"Don't worry brother. For once, nothing illegal,"

Severus furrowed his brow, Selina had said that to him in his dream. He looked at his sister who winked at him with a slight smile. She had refused to touch the deer. Okay, now he was confused. He remained silent though not wanting to say anything to Selina in front of Shylock. He continued to try his best to eat the barely cooked meat, knowing he wouldn't be eating for the rest of the day, but hardly made head way by the time Shylock had finished. He stood up flicking his wand at the tent which repacked itself and picked up his bag.

"Let's move."


	13. Chapter 13

He decided after five hours of walking that he hated the activity. It was tedious and unchallenging, Selina and Shylock were walking at the head of the group and Severus felt some overwhelming childish that made him stay at the back with only his thoughts for company. And past experience had showed that never ended well. They didn't eat anything else for the rest of the day, something Severus was used to but those around him wouldn't stop complaining about.

"I'm mean, you'd think they'd bring food for all of us."

Baldwin for some reason still thought Severus wouldn't hex him if he kept talking to him.

"Surely they expect us to battle these Frenchmen, can't do it if we're hungry, battle on an empty stomach is very bad."

Severus tried to block him out but the whiny voice kept penetrating his defences. He sighed, placing his wand in his mouth to drink. The magicked water was warm and tasted of wood but it was all he had at the moment. Baldwin continued to talk, Severus thought it had to be a nerve thing, coupled with the twitching and jumping at every sound. However, Severus was hardly a Samaritan and idly wondered if he could get Shylock to make the man shut up. In the end Severus found himself getting too tired to do anything but speed ahead of the man, squeezing himself between Victoria and the still masked man.

"Hello Severus," Victoria said smiling. She was stumbling over roots as she walked and had a thin sheen of sweat on her forehead, possibly not used to the physical exercise.

"Victoria," he said at the other man for a second still not knowing his name.

"Alucard." Victoria said, stroking the much taller silent man's arm, "his name's Alucard."

"Hm, I see." Severus said, because there wasn't else to do seeing as Alucard didn't seem inclined to speak.

Victoria laughed slightly, "he's mute, it's you dear."

Severus stared at Victoria, at her smooth unblemished black face and wondered how old she was to think it was appropriate to call him 'dear'.

"I see," he repeated, "you two know each other?" he felt forced to make conversation now, or else move forward even more to join the slightly skipping Barty, he probably would end up killing someone. _'__It would make Shylock proud.' _At least Victoria was nicer to listen to,

"Yes, we went Hogwarts together, before your time of course, both in Ravenclaw." She tittered, "probably unusual given what we're doing."

"I think it's unusual you are here regardless."

Victoria furrowed her brow at him, making him wish he could disappear and never speak again. He wondered how Alucard had done it.

"I mean…well…you don't seem like the type...look at my brother." He gave her a small smile, nervously looking at Alucard out of the corner of his eye.

"Well…I suppose not, but it makes sense, we shouldn't have to cower to muggles, we force with prejudice upon ourselves, forcing ourselves to hide and it's not right."

She was right, he knew that and nodded enthusiastically as she spoke. It was just unfortunate she'd made the mistake to join this company. They continued to walk Victoria speaking calm in a voice that sounded like his mother's when she talked him to sleep. He learnt that Alucard had become mute after being attack as a child. Victoria hadn't told him by who and kept giving Alucard looks for permission Severus couldn't see he was giving. He hadn't been able to control his magic and had burnt and killed his attacker as well burning the lower half of his face and throat. She continued to talk to help the time pass and Severus found it less annoying than Baldwin's constant yapping. They stopped abruptly as the day drew cold and the sky bled red.

"We are nearing their location," Shylock said turning slightly, placing his mask on with Selina following suit, "just be ready…just in case."

He was smirking again, Severus could tell, he wanted to punch him. He put on his mask and only then had an obvious thought,

"Can you speak French?" he asked Victoria, his voice slightly muffled by the mask. She shook her head and Severus nearly turned to Alucard before looking at his siblings. He knew neither of them could. And if Baldwin could he would have been showing off before instead of complaining. That was six out of nine who were non-French speakers and he doubted the other three could. What was Shylock and, more importantly, the Dark Lord playing at?


	14. Chapter 14

After days spent in the forest, the small track leading up to the collection of farm buildings looked like paradise. They were approached, as they reached the small wooden gate, by a man dressed in a bright white cloak. They stopped as they came to meet him on the other side of the fence, the man staring at Shylock for a moment before taking down his hood revealing his bald head and- oh no. Even the most snobbish of purebloods would be aware of the connotation that came with the swastika on the man forehead.

"Nous avons attendu pour vous," the man said in French, opening the gate, "S'il vous plaît venir à travers,"

"Speak English," Shylock snapped at the man as they went through the gate, "I'm well aware you can."

The man's mouth twitched as well as his right hand, instinctively wanting to reach for his wand. However, this was only for a moment before he beamed at them, something Severus found more terrifying than if he had tried to curse them.

"Of course. These will lead you to your room," he said in perfect English, snapping his fingers at three figures that had been standing in the shade of the nearest building. As they approached Severus could see that they were three dirt covered women, their hair crudely cut and only wearing a brown sag like house elves. Severus couldn't help but stare as the women led the way down the track further and into a tall stone barn turned into living quarters, wondering what was going on with them until he saw the capital M burnt into the back of their necks.

Oh.

He felt like he needed to throw up and given how harshly Victoria was breathing beside him, he wasn't the only one who had realised. One of them opened one of the several doors of the first floor, standing aside to let them shuffle in, none of them wanting to be near the beaten enslaved muggle. However as one of the company came through the door, they dragged their open palm across her breasts before walking in. Severus didn't want to guess who it had been. He was the last in as the muggle bowed herself out, closing the door.

"Now what?" the older man, Phillip Chance asked, taking off his mask, sweating profusely.

Shylock turned his head on one side, still masked but his height gave it away his identity. Shylock started to march forward, Severus wincing thinking he was going to kill Phillip, but instead Shylock stormed out the door, slamming it behind him. Now all eyes turned to Selina, who had taken off her mask and fiddling with it. Stupidly, Severus decided that he'd take charge instead.

"Everyone pick a bed." He said as confidently as he could, gesturing at the ten single bed covered in crisp white sheets, "we could be here for a while."

When none of them moved he felt a little annoyed and strode over to Selina, taking her over to a bed sitting her down and herself on the other side.

"You okay?"

She nodded, her face grey, rubbing her hooked nose. "So…Nazis."

"Yep." He said nodding, "Nazis."

Neither of them knew what to say after that, lying on separate beds, fingers slightly intertwined, while the other moved around the long room. He felt very tired, it was all going very fast, yet he didn't know what else he had expected. It was one confusing mess and he was happy for a moment of silence with his sister. Shylock came back eventually, breaking Severus' blissful peace. Behind him were more of muggles bearing food. Selina immediately sat up having had no food that morning, taking a steaming bowl of soup and gulped it down: the spoon falling the floor and the soup dribbling out of her mouth. Severus took his own bowl, muttering a thank you to the muggle, who ignored him. He felt sick again, having been harshly reminded of the company he was keeping and only moved the green soup around in its bowl.

"You better eat up."

He jumped as Shylock towered over him, "it's the only thing you'll tonight." Shylock turned to the rest of them, "negotiations are happening tonight. And you'll all will be standing guard for me and Selina."

He had to be joking.

* * *

Apparently not. He supposed they did indeed look menacing all dressed in cloaks and masks, they were silent guards waiting to attack. Well that was the impression. Severus just felt like laughing at the preposterous situation, given if they were attacked he expected they'd all scatter like children. Yet somehow he managed to contain himself instead watching his brother and sister talk in muttered tones in front of him. He was slowly getting bored but didn't really want to fidget afraid he would actually lose his composure. What kind of 'strong warrior' fidgeted? He wished he could hear the conversation that was so important for their cause but it was spoken in whispers and mostly in French as the neo-Nazis spoke in harsh tone amongst themselves. They were eating some sort of fish on fine silver, making Severus wished he had more than soup, his stomach growling. He stared at his siblings; Selina looking actually more confident than Shylock who was focusing on using his cutlery as daintily as possible. Okay, he may laugh at that.

Given how Selina's expression turned sour an hour in, he guessed it wasn't going well. Shylock had given up on his food as Selina grabbed his knee and stayed talking as well. Selina now looked angry as the French spoke to them while Shylock wasn't doing anything. He looked bored, as if he didn't care, but Shylock did seem like the kind of person to be incredibly loyal to the Dark Lord. While Shylock may pretend otherwise, he was ruled by his emotions, Severus had scars to prove that. Finally, it was over, Shylock and Selina bowed at their hosts and they travelled back to their rooms. Once Victoria, the smallest of them, closed the door and Shylock flicked his wand at the four walls and he screamed. Everyone jumped back, a couple reaching for their wands. For a moment, Severus thought his brother had had a better grip on his emotion than he gave him credit for until he saw the red welts and blisters that had formed on Shylock's hands. He ran forward, wand out, grabbing one of his brother hands. He held it dumbfounded as they stared to bleed, Shylock still roaring in pain, completely lost at what to do.

"Severus move!"

He let go as Selina shoved him aside, settling Shylock down. He stood still, unable to move as his heart pounded. His brother had been hurt, by what he had no idea and how to fix he was clueless about too. Selina was doing casting spells on the hands, wrapping a sheath of light around his hands that settled for a moment before disappearing. Soon his cries when to pants as Severus also fell to a bed, watching small tears fall from his brother's eyes.

"Did they curse the cutlery?" the Scottish woman, Penelope asked, wand out.

"No," Shylock growled, "silver."

Silver? His brother was allergic to silver. His eyes fell to the floor thinking on his brother's words about why he'd killed the Professor. Shylock was lying himself back down, Selina casting her spells on the corners of his mouth where the cutlery had burnt.

"So," Severus started and immediately Shylock turned to face him, sharp pointed teeth almost bared, "silver huh? I'd kill someone too if they knew I was a half breed."

He should have known not to taunt Shylock and certainly damned himself as Shylock began to chuckle. He snapped Selina's wand arm in his two hands twisting it, making her give a short gasp of pain.

"Funny brother." Shylock whispered, clenching Selina's arm, "but I think you're quite tired, perhaps it's time for you to sleep, hm?"

Severus stared a beat long at them before turning over, pulse beat against his temple.


	15. Chapter 15

After days spent in the forest, the small track leading up to the collection of farm buildings looked like paradise. They were approached, as they reached the small wooden gate, by a man dressed in a bright white cloak. They stopped as they came to meet him on the other side of the fence, the man staring at Shylock for a moment before taking down his hood revealing his bald head and- oh no. Even the most snobbish of purebloods would be aware of the connotation that came with the swastika on the man forehead.

"Nous avons attendu pour vous," the man said in French, opening the gate, "S'il vous plaît venir à travers,"

"Speak English," Shylock snapped at the man as they went through the gate, "I'm well aware you can."

The man's mouth twitched as well as his right hand, instinctively wanting to reach for his wand. However, this was only for a moment before he beamed at them, something Severus found more terrifying than if he had tried to curse them.

"Of course. These will lead you to your room," he said in perfect English, snapping his fingers at three figures that had been standing in the shade of the nearest building. As they approached Severus could see that they were three dirt covered women, their hair crudely cut and only wearing a brown sag like house elves. Severus couldn't help but stare as the women led the way down the track further and into a tall stone barn turned into living quarters, wondering what was going on with them until he saw the capital M burnt into the back of their necks.

Oh.

He felt like he needed to throw up and given how harshly Victoria was breathing beside him, he wasn't the only one who had realised. One of them opened one of the several doors of the first floor, standing aside to let them shuffle in, none of them wanting to be near the beaten enslaved muggle. However as one of the company came through the door, they dragged their open palm across her breasts before walking in. Severus didn't want to guess who it had been. He was the last in as the muggle bowed herself out, closing the door.

"Now what?" the older man, Phillip Chance asked, taking off his mask, sweating profusely.

Shylock turned his head on one side, still masked but his height gave it away his identity. Shylock started to march forward, Severus wincing thinking he was going to kill Phillip, but instead Shylock stormed out the door, slamming it behind him. Now all eyes turned to Selina, who had taken off her mask and fiddling with it. Stupidly, Severus decided that he'd take charge instead.

"Everyone pick a bed." He said as confidently as he could, gesturing at the ten single bed covered in crisp white sheets, "we could be here for a while."

When none of them moved he felt a little annoyed and strode over to Selina, taking her over to a bed sitting her down and herself on the other side.

"You okay?"

She nodded, her face grey, rubbing her hooked nose. "So…Nazis."

"Yep." He said nodding, "Nazis."

Neither of them knew what to say after that, lying on separate beds, fingers slightly intertwined, while the other moved around the long room. He felt very tired, it was all going very fast, yet he didn't know what else he had expected. It was one confusing mess and he was happy for a moment of silence with his sister. Shylock came back eventually, breaking Severus' blissful peace. Behind him were more of muggles bearing food. Selina immediately sat up having had no food that morning, taking a steaming bowl of soup and gulped it down: the spoon falling the floor and the soup dribbling out of her mouth. Severus took his own bowl, muttering a thank you to the muggle, who ignored him. He felt sick again, having been harshly reminded of the company he was keeping and only moved the green soup around in its bowl.

"You better eat up."

He jumped as Shylock towered over him, "it's the only thing you'll tonight." Shylock turned to the rest of them, "negotiations are happening tonight. And you'll all will be standing guard for me and Selina."

He had to be joking.

* * *

Apparently not. He supposed they did indeed look menacing all dressed in cloaks and masks, they were silent guards waiting to attack. Well that was the impression. Severus just felt like laughing at the preposterous situation, given if they were attacked he expected they'd all scatter like children. Yet somehow he managed to contain himself instead watching his brother and sister talk in muttered tones in front of him. He was slowly getting bored but didn't really want to fidget afraid he would actually lose his composure. What kind of 'strong warrior' fidgeted? He wished he could hear the conversation that was so important for their cause but it was spoken in whispers and mostly in French as the neo-Nazis spoke in harsh tone amongst themselves. They were eating some sort of fish on fine silver, making Severus wished he had more than soup, his stomach growling. He stared at his siblings; Selina looking actually more confident than Shylock who was focusing on using his cutlery as daintily as possible. Okay, he may laugh at that.

Given how Selina's expression turned sour an hour in, he guessed it wasn't going well. Shylock had given up on his food as Selina grabbed his knee and stayed talking as well. Selina now looked angry as the French spoke to them while Shylock wasn't doing anything. He looked bored, as if he didn't care, but Shylock did seem like the kind of person to be incredibly loyal to the Dark Lord. While Shylock may pretend otherwise, he was ruled by his emotions, Severus had scars to prove that. Finally, it was over, Shylock and Selina bowed at their hosts and they travelled back to their rooms. Once Victoria, the smallest of them, closed the door and Shylock flicked his wand at the four walls and he screamed. Everyone jumped back, a couple reaching for their wands. For a moment, Severus thought his brother had had a better grip on his emotion than he gave him credit for until he saw the red welts and blisters that had formed on Shylock's hands. He ran forward, wand out, grabbing one of his brother hands. He held it dumbfounded as they stared to bleed, Shylock still roaring in pain, completely lost at what to do.

"Severus move!"

He let go as Selina shoved him aside, settling Shylock down. He stood still, unable to move as his heart pounded. His brother had been hurt, by what he had no idea and how to fix he was clueless about too. Selina was doing casting spells on the hands, wrapping a sheath of light around his hands that settled for a moment before disappearing. Soon his cries when to pants as Severus also fell to a bed, watching small tears fall from his brother's eyes.

"Did they curse the cutlery?" the Scottish woman, Penelope asked, wand out.

"No," Shylock growled, "silver."

Silver? His brother was allergic to silver. His eyes fell to the floor thinking on his brother's words about why he'd killed the Professor. Shylock was lying himself back down, Selina casting her spells on the corners of his mouth where the cutlery had burnt.

"So," Severus started and immediately Shylock turned to face him, sharp pointed teeth almost bared, "silver huh? I'd kill someone too if they knew I was a half breed."

He should have known not to taunt Shylock and certainly damned himself as Shylock began to chuckle. He snapped Selina's wand arm in his two hands twisting it, making her give a short gasp of pain.

"Funny brother." Shylock whispered, clenching Selina's arm, "but I think you're quite tired, perhaps it's time for you to sleep, hm?"

Severus stared a beat long at them before turning over, pulse beat against his temple.


	16. Chapter 16

They landed in the forest, Severus skidding over the dirt ground. Panting and sweaty, he stumbled to his feet, searching the floor for Selina. It took him an alarmingly long time to find her and Shylock a foot away from him. Shylock was face down on the ground, Selina weakly moving, trying to remove her arm from underneath her brother.

"Selina."

He collapsed on to his knees and lifted his brother's head to free Selina. Painfully awkwardly she got up to take Shylock's pulse but wobbled on her knees and fell on his chest.

"Here," Severus leaned over and checked his brother's neck, "he has a pulse," he informed her, his heart feeling heavy.

"How far away are we, Selina?" he asked looking around the forest, but it all looked so similar, he couldn't get his bearings.

"…Don't…know," she slurred and her breathing deepened.

"Selina? _Selina!"_ he shook her shoulder but she was limp. Now he was stuck with two unconscious siblings, exhausted himself.

Shit.

He couldn't carry them, but now finally being out of the heavy wards he felt lighter and free, his magical aura exploding like wings. He just to hope the sudden freedom of magic would be enough. He clung to them: lifting Shylock again and holding them against his chest. He thought of cold rooms and shaking flimsy window. He tried to remember walking down creaking stairs: only stepping on the right side of the sixth step and completely missing the second to last one. The small merge meals that seemed smaller after starting Hogwarts. Of shouting voices, and intertwining legs with Selina under ragged sheets until a coarse pillow separated them as they both awkwardly went through puberty. He thought as best he could of the memories of home, the feeling of stubborn pride of his shithole house fill every fibre of him being until he felt the need to return home. He had to go home.

_'__No place like home,'_ he thought wirily, before disappearing with a snap.

Everything hurt. His head was pounding and the shouting voices downstairs weren't helping. He curled inwards, moving over slightly to the receding warm spot on the other side of the bed.

_'__Where is Johanna?'_ he thought wrapping the ragged sheet around his shoulders trying to ignore his shouting parents. Wait. He opened his eyes and immediately closed them bright sunlight pouring through his bedroom window. Johanna had never been to his parents' house and given they were dead, they couldn't be fighting. He was filled with dread and images of ghouls fighting for entirety.

_'__Well at least my parents are consistent.'_ He slowly got out of the bed and crept to the door.

"He'll kill us Shylock!"

"He'll kill us anyway; we've wasted too much time."

He sighed in relief. He had gotten Selina and Shylock home from France. He was surprised he'd actually succeeded. He opened door and headed to his parents' room where the voices were actually coming from and knocked hesitantly on the door as Selina muttered her nonsense worries. She stopped abruptly and flung the door open, looking him up and down as if she didn't really think it could be him.

"Oh thank God you're awake!" She flung her arm over him but quickly released him as he stumbled.

"How long was I asleep?" he asked as she helped him into the room. Shylock was lying on top of the covers of their parents bed, his face incredibly pale and looking frustrated.

"A day, maybe a little longer, I don't know. I wasn't awake when we got here."

"Which is why we need to get back."

"To France?" Severus asked his brother.

"To the Dark Lord."

Dreaded silence filled the room as Severus realised what they had been talking about.

"Good to see you're alive brother." He deadpanned.

Shylock sneered, "it'll take more than that to kill me."

_'__Yes, a silver bullet would do it.'_

"I still don't know what spell it was. We don't know it's lasting effects." Selina muttered.

"And staying here will do wonders won't it?"

"You can't even stand!"

Something dangerous flickered across his brother's face, as he pushed himself off the bed to stand and though he was wobbling furiously he was indeed standing unaided.

"How long do you think it'll be before he realised it was a failure. He will come for us."

_'__he'll try and hurt Johanna.'_

"He has a point." Severus muttered

"What?" Selina turned around to face him.

"He'll find us. He's stronger than us right?"

Shylock gave him a quick nod before Severus continued, "he'll find us, kill us, kill everyone around us if we betray him."

"We're not betraying him."

"Do you think he'll like runners, cowards?" Shylock growled.

She flinched at the word.

"You're both insane." She whispered. Severus took her shoulders and squeezed them reassuringly.

"He won't kill us if we return."

"You don't know what he'll do." She whispered before muttering again. She stopped as Shylock limped his way over. Now stuck between her two brothers she looked helplessly at Severus before sighing at the floor.

"You are both insane."

She grabbed their shoulders and they were gone.

Severus couldn't be too sure if Selina had been right or not. On the one hand, if they had indeed stayed away from the Dark Lord they would have been tortured either way. On the other hand, though, if he had known this would have been the pain he would have had to suffer through he too would have wanted to run. His bones were being burned under skin flesh, cooking him inside out. His spine twisted completely round until his back was permanently hunched under the curse. His feet were cut apart and he was forced to walk on his stumps through salt water. Worse than all of it was the anger he felt. He had had no idea of his siblings' true intentions, which was what they were being punished for, he didn't know why they had been out there and he still didn't know, as the Dark Lord cast the Cruciatus curse on him. His anger grew with the pain so much so that when it was finally let up, he stood on his knees seething.

"I knew _nothing_ of my siblings' intentions! How was I to know how to please you, my Lord, if you refuse tell me everything!"

"No…" he heard Selina mutter thickly her teeth stained in blood but he didn't care as the Dark Lord approached him, Severus breathing hard through his nose, enraged.

"Very well Severus," the Dark Lord said, floaty, "I will punish you for what you have done and punish them for what they have done. Shylock?"

Shylock, who had been untouched since he had informed the Dark Lord of what had happened, looked up.

"Bring Selina over here."

Shylock spared Severus half a look, his face unguarded and filled with fear, before he grabbed Selina by the collar of her cloak and pulled her in front of Severus. Selina had started muttering, giving her eldest brother pleading looks as she shook her head vigorously. Shylock ignored her, looking at the Dark Lord who gave him a curt nod. That was when the screaming started, Severus couldn't see the curses that Shylock hurled at their sister only could see the blood, tears and cuts appear on her face and body. The screaming of his little sister was worse than any torture and as he tried to move forward he found that he was held down by a curse he hadn't realised had been cast. All he could do was press himself against the boundaries of the curse, watching in muted horror as his sister begged for her life. Shylock stumbled, still weak from whatever curse had been sent his way and fell down beside Selina. He completely forgot his wand and began beating the small girl. She curled in on herself, whimpering into her hands as Shylock clawed his sharp nails along the back of her neck. Shylock had to be enjoying this, hurting their little sister. It was all Severus could focus on to distract from the screams and the blood as Shylock torn at her skin and clothes, all that could distracting from that fact it was his fault she had relented to them coming here.


	17. Chapter 17

He looked down at his hands as he knelt in the hallway of the warded house. All he could see was red; the glowing bands around with wrists only made the blood glisten. The more he intently stared down at them, the more he was sure there was still charred melted chunks of flesh painting them from all those years ago. Back then, he didn't think he could ever rid himself of the gore, not matter how many times he washed his hands. Even after he had rub them raw, he could still smell the overcooked flesh on them. Now, it had come back, only now it was blood dripping from his hands, his sister's blood. He had barely been released from where he knelt, before he rushed over to stop the chaos in front of him. He got to her and placed his hands around her bleeding face, frozen, as if only realising what he had been seeing was truly happening, when he was blasted back and told to return to Dumbledore, to tell him strict details of what had happened. He had indeed returned, back to Johanna's house, but he wasn't sure if he was safe to speak almost certain he would curse the closest living thing. A droplet of blood fell to the floorboard with a light patter: his hands began to shake and his vision darkened as tears fell from his eyes.

"Is that blood?"

He looked up to see Black staring at Severus the hallway in fear and disbelief, his eyes bulging at the sight of the blood. He was sorely tempted to actually kill Black, to make his day, but when Johanna appeared behind him, holding Phoenix to her shoulder so she couldn't the blood on her father's hands, all fight left him.

"I need to speak to Dumbledore," he said as his eyes started burning again.

"Who did you kill?"

"NOW!"

Black still didn't move, until Johanna grabbed him and pulled him back into the kitchen as Severus started crying into his hands, that were stained in his little sister's blood.

"He wants me to tell you that we went to Nice, France. That we tried to get supporters from this…neo-Nazi wizarding community." Severus was shaking, the dried blood making his hands itch but he tried to restrain from scratching them as he sat in the kitchen with Dumbledore. "he didn't want me to tell you that…Shylock, my brother, who had been leading us, wasn't there to gain supporters. I don't even think the Dark Lord wanted them to join forces. He looking for something, some document or something like that but he refused to tell me what it was. But they found only me and Shylock made it back alive."

Dumbledore nodded thoughtfully offering no suggestions.

"And he wants me to find out something useful from you."

"Of course Tom does," Dumbledore said, amused. Severus winced at the casual name.

"Well I'm sure you'll find something in the coming weeks to tell him."

Severus felt empty, rubbing his hands.

"Is that all you have to tell me?"

Severus looked up and opened his mouth.

"Severus, I can't help you if you don't tell me everything."

He closed his mouth again and laid his hands down on the table to stop them from shaking.

"Selina, my sister, she was one too, they tortured her." He ended whispering. Dumbledore forward and for a brief moment Severus thought he was going to take his blood stained hands, but Dumbledore just casted them clean of blood. Severus rested his fist again his mouth and bit a finger. Dumbledore got up and walked around the table and laid a hand on his shoulder,

"Get some rest Severus. We'll talk later."

Severus took Dumbledore's advice. He got in the shower and stood head against the wall under the scalding hot water, trying to burn the smell of his dying sister off his body. He couldn't become angry at Dumbledore's calmness or how Johanna had avoided him since he arrived. All he could see was his sister's eyes, pleading before he had been forced away from her. All was lost, Selina was dead.


	18. Chapter 18

Dead, dead, dead, dead, _dead._ Over and over the words and images spun in Severus' head as he stayed unmoving on his bed. He didn't know or care how long it had been, but his throat was parched and his eyes burned with tiredness so he imaged he had stayed awake all through the night. He couldn't sleep as every time he closed his eyes all he could see was her dead, dead _dead._ There was knock at the door. He mouthed 'come in' and realised he was too exhausted to even speak. He curled into a ball and closed his eyes.

_Shylock had flayed parts of her cheek and neck with a curse, her strips of skin tangling in a bloody mess as her tears left red trails down the side of her face. She reached out a hand to his face, unable to move her fingers that had been crushed by Shylock's foot._

"Sev'!"

He jumped up, looking around wildly for Selina only to find Johanna leaning over him, a coffee on the bedside table. He collapsed back on the bed, staring at the cracks in the ceiling.

"Can you tell me what happened Sev'?"

She didn't normally call him Sev' unless she was worried about something.

"Dumbledore won't say," she continued.

After a pause, Severus shook his head. He didn't want to talk about it.

"Well can you at least tell me why you're like his?"

He turned away from her.

Johanna sighed, "Look, James has come home," he was slightly bemused at how little he felt about at the name, "so Sirius is going out with him tonight, leaving me with the kids. You can help me look after them?" she said it almost shyly. He looked up at her to see her rubbing her forearm anxiously. He nodded, wanting to be left alone. It would probably would do him some good to be with Phoenix. She of course was the one he was doing all of this for. The reason Selina was dead. He screwed up his eyes until he saw white.

A few hours later Severus heard the door slam before footsteps came up the stairs and Johanna knocking at his door.

"Come in." he barely said above a whisper.

"Sirius is gone."

When he didn't reply or move Johanna let out another exasperated sigh.

"Just come down stairs, I'll make you something."

After a moment of silence before the door creaked shut again. He thought she had left until he felt the bed lower. He flinched at Johanna brushing his hair away from his face.

"Did they make you kill again?" she asked softly.

He shook his head, "they made me watch."

"Well…it couldn't have been had bad then."

"It was…someone I knew."

She nodded, twirling his hair. Is this what he wanted? Yes, he wanted to enjoy this but he wanted his sister back more.

"Well…you have to get past it, I know you don't want to but…you have a daughter have you have to protect."

Johanna didn't know he had done all of this for Phoenix. But what was the point of protecting his daughter if he couldn't save his sister. Selina would have loved to meet Phoenix. She always loved children. He tried to turn away, but Johanna held him.

"Get up."

"Why?" he croaked.

"Because that's the only way you'll get over this. This is war. People die. You have to get up."

_'__we'll see what you'll say when your brother dies.'_ But still he listened to her and allowed her to steer him downstairs. The Black girl with the weird name that Severus couldn't bother to try and remember was still here, now playing with her food, smearing sauce all over her face and hands. She looked at him as he sat down on the opposite side of the table before quickly losing interest. Phoenix was sat in her baby chair, also making a mess of her food but at least tried to eat with a spoon. She waved at Severus, blabbering to herself. He gave her a weak smile as his heart clenched. He finally tore his eyes away from the girl as he heard Johanna pour his cold coffee down the sink.

"Hungry?" she asked, pointing at the saucepan that was lazily bubbling on the stove. He shook his head; sure he would throw up.

"Would you like something to drink then?"

"Alcohol if you have it." He whispered. She sighed again but opened a wooden cabinet above the sink and place a glass and bottle in front of him. It was firewhiskey, not as alcoholic as he wanted it but it would do. He ignored the glass and drank straight from the bottle, chugging it down until the burning in his throat became unbearable. He placed the bottle back down, spluttering.

"You know, I hate seeing you like this Severus." Johanna said absentmindedly as she tried to clean the Black girl who squirmed away from her.

"Never knew you cared."

"Well…I do…you're my friend."

Even if it wasn't what he wanted, the admittance still should have pleased him, yet he just dully nodded.

"Do you want to talk?" Johanna said worriedly, clearly having expected a better reaction out of Severus as well. He shook his head.

"Would you like me to talk about…something?"

He shrugged his shoulders, before nodding, "anything."

"Well, I passed with flying colours…obviously," she smirked but it quickly fell when Severus had no reaction. "I wanted to go straight into an apprenticeship but, er, having a kid with you doesn't help."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Hm?"

"Why didn't you me you were pregnant?"

Johanna looked down at the table, opening and closing her mouth, "truthfully, I didn't know, I was late obviously but that can just come from stress, I was sitting my NEWTS. I was worried, but I thought I was being silly. And when I found out…I didn't know how you'd take it. You were _sixteen_. I was scared. I was going to on the day-"

"When I was arrested."

She tilted her head, "how did you know?"

"Your brother told me."

She opened her mouth slightly, in confusion, "why would James-"

He was saved having to answer that as Phoenix slammed her bowl down repeatedly, to show her mother she had finished. Johanna got up and took the bowl from Phoenix, kissing her head. But as Johanna left to put it in the sink Phoenix came restless, trying to moving out of the chair, babbling in distress.

"Could you take her please?"

That got a reaction out of him. He turned around quickly giving Johanna a look that called her mad before hesitantly approaching the baby as if it would explode. She fidgeted as he lifted her and tried to turn mid-air. He clung to her, looking at Johanna for support who was watching in amusement. Finally, he had her securely wrapped in his arms and sitting on his legs. She looked up at him, her arms flailing as she touched his face. She continued to babble nonsense, no words coming out of her mouth, probably due to the pain. She'd stopped screaming long ago, her voice box broken, but she continued to open her mouth groaning as best she could, her arms reaching wildly around for Severus. The noise he must have made as he saw his sister dying again made Johanna scream, plucking Phoenix from his arms.

"She's dead. She's g-gone!" he sobbed into his now empty hands. How _could he_ protect a baby if he couldn't protect _his sister_?

"No she's fine."

He shook his head, wailing, "they killed her. I didn't nothing!"

The Black girl had come over to his side, asking something, but Johanna pushed her away, leaning over Severus and grabbing his shoulder.

"Who? Who did they kill?"

"Selina! They killed my little baby sister!" he started screaming into her shoulder as she stroked his back, hushing him as Phoenix in her other arm took in fistful of his hair. But he felt none of it, he was still knelt in that room and all he could see was red.


	19. Chapter 19

"She's alive."

Severus stiffened as Shylock hugged him. He had been called to Death Eater meeting soon after Dumbledore's own one. This one was in a manor house that was very dimly lit in a room now filled with masked men and women, Shylock being one of them and had approach Severus when he appeared. His brother left him as soon as he arrived, leaving Severus with gut filled with hope that this wasn't some strange joke. He looked round at the rest of the Death Eaters and saw none of them running towards him.

"Severus." It was bizarre how similarly both the Dark Lord and Dumbledore sounded, both trying to sound conversational but it the end their voices made his heart stopped. He turned around as he headed towards the Dark Lord. Both of the meeting had meant appearating, one with Johanna and Black, one alone. While the Order's had definitely been warmer, he'd received a similar cold dismissal of the people in both. Everyone in the Order meeting avoided him, having no idea what he was doing here and Severus only guessing what Potter and Black had told those strangers. He assumed he knew more of the people at this meeting but everyone was wearing masks. He approached the Dark Lord, bowing.

"Come and sit Severus," he hissed, slowly gesturing at the seat beside him. At the Order's meeting he had sat at the back of the large living room, watching over the goings on, though it seemed pointless afterwards, as Dumbledore told him everything he could say to the Dark Lord. At the Dark Lord's meeting they sat in a green flame lit room at a long Mahoney table, Shylock a few seat down from Severus, or at least who he thought was. The meeting went rather the same the Order's had, they talked about the movements of the other side and their own, updating each group of their goings on. It was somewhat amusing the little details each side got wrong. But he stayed silent, once again looking down the row at Shylock. She was alive. Alive. But that could mean many things. Alive in a coma. Having lost all memory, in a vegetative state.

"…Nice."

He looked around at was speaking at the name of the French city.

"Luckily, we were able to escape afterwards, but I'm afraid all the other bodies were burnt." It was the kid's voice, Barty. Severus remembered him and the Scottish women had disappeared in the morning. Barty turned to look at him and Severus jumped looking away, hoping the kid wouldn't blame him for being left behind.

"Severus," the Dark Lord said beside him and Barty sat up straighter, "perhaps you could tell me what Dumbledore has been planning?"

The question sounded dangerous, like he was waiting Severus to come back with nothing. Luckily he was able to fill half an hour of information that Dumbledore had approved for him to use. Name and places of certain gatherings all in an aid to stop the Dark Lord and he was given them to the enemy. The meeting continued after he was done but once again he found he couldn't concentrated, sick with hope and fear at Selina's condition. He only knew it was over when a loud crack as the Dark Lord disappeared. He stared dumbly at the chair as others moved around him, until a hand fell on his shoulder.

"Come with me?" Shylock hissed. Severus had barely nodded before they too disappearated.


	20. Chapter 20

He knew where he was as soon as he landed. It was the Malfoy Manor that he had visited several times in the Christmas and Summer Holidays. He gave Shylock a confused look.

"The Dark Lord likes to keep his followers close together. Me and Selina were put with the Malfoys."

Severus looked at Shylock properly. His man had tortured their sister, but by the gritted way he said his words and the look he was giving, he seemed to think Severus had done it. Before he could ask anything or even punch Shylock across the face, a snap cracked through the house and he was standing behind Cissa who was holding tight onto Luc'. They both took a step back in shock but when Cissa realised he was actually there, she screamed in rage and he had to duck the curse she sent his way.

"You!"

He started backing away as Shylock cast a shield spell and Luc' grabbed her Cissa.

"I didn't kill her!"

"Cissa listen to him."

"I'm done listening," she cried her makeup running from her tears, "he killed my sister!"

"I didn't kill her, I swear! She was my friend!" his voice broke as he said it. Luc' finally got Cissa to face him as he started hurriedly whispering what Severus had told him.

"Then who did?" she hissed at her husband.

"I don't know yet," Severus spoke up, "but I will find them."

"And then what!?"

"I'll kill them."

The finality of what he said shocked Cissa and she lowered her wand, still glaring and still being held by Luc'.

"Come on," he steered her away from the brothers down through the left corridor, where he knew the drawing room was. Finally, Shylock let the shield down, still glaring at Severus.

He ignored it, "where is she?"

Shylock wrinkled his nose at Severus, "upstairs, but she'll-"

He didn't listen to the rest of what his treacherous brother had to storming out of the room and into the entrance hall before making his way up the stands, Shylock quickly following.

"She'll be sleeping," he continued,

"I'll be quiet."

They reached the upstairs floor, Severus keeping every room of the floor as his brother followed scoffing,

"She's under a lot of stress, she needs to rest."

"Shylock." He turned to face him, "I _need_ to see her."

Shylock shook his head as his shoulders fell. It wasn't a no, more a sign of defeat, "two doors out."

As Severus put his hand on the handle, Shylock grabbed his wrist,

"I'll be waiting here, if I hear anything I don't like then I'll hurt you brother," _'__like you heard her,'_ he wanted to say but bit his tongue and entered the room.

"Hey."

He felt like he was going to throw up. Not that she looked terrible. Her face was plastered with bandages covering the cursed wounds, her eyes were bloodshot and her skin was grey but she was smiling, placing the book that she had been reading down at her bedside. But after days thinking she was dead, Severus couldn't help but choke a sob.

"Aww, Severus," she opened her unbandaged arm to hug him, like he was the one who needed comforting. he accepted her hug, before sitting down on the bed with her.

"I thought…I thought-"

"Please Sev', I've survived worse." It hurt him that she had to survive worse. He held her close to him, shaking. She was here, he wasn't dreaming. But it didn't seem possible, it couldn't be. This was a lie, his sister be here, she was dead. He shook from the cold, that had to be it, he was still in prison. A place where he could never be happy again and Selina was still alive.

"Sev'."

That wasn't her, it could be.

"Sev', you need to calm down."

"No you're not-"

She placed a hand on his temple, which he flinched from as if she had burnt him.

"Shh, you're safe."

"I killed you."

"No honey, you've never done anything to hurt me."

No she was right; Shylock had done this. He was shaking again, but from anger, that Shylock could act so defensive of their sister, after being the one who had hurt her.

"Shylock…he…he," he stuttered, glaring sat the door.

"Hey, hey!" she shushed him, making him face her again, "it isn't his fault either."

"How can you say that? He's a monster."

"He's our brother."

He shook his head violently, "he's not my brother."

Now Selina's face changed, looking angry, "you don't get to choose your family."

She sighed, shaking her head.

"I'm sorry," he whispered not wanting her to be angry at her. She gave him a small smile, holding him close to her as he shifted onto the bed clinging tight to her.


	21. Chapter 21

Severus was still clinging to Selina when the door opened with a long drawn out creak. He refused to look up as his brother entered but when Shylock said nothing, he opened his eyes slightly. The Dark Lord stood at the foot of the bed still wearing his black robes with his hands behind his back. Severus instantly lunged for Selina's legs to cradle her in his arms away from her would-be torturer. But they were trapped underneath cover so he could only grip uselessly at them, as the Dark Lord watched him, his face unmoving. There was a moment of stillness as Severus held the exhausted sleeping Selina as the Dark Lord surveyed them.

"I'm not going to hurt the young Lady Snape."

Severus stayed still.

"I merely want to speak with you."

Severus realised later that the Dark Lord probably wanted him to move, to talk somewhere else. It probably would have helped Selina too, to Him away from her. But in Severus' panicked state all he could think was to keep her safe and by his side. So, when he did not move, the Dark Lord came to sit where Severus' knees were curled on the bed, the action seemed too human for the snake man to do.

"Tell me something Severus, what exactly would you like to do with your life?"

It was laughable, like he was with a career helper not a Dark Lord. What exactly did he mean? He decided to answer as truthfully and vaguely as possible.

"I always wanted to become a potion master."

"With any particular master?"

He shrugged, he had never thought about it before being arrested.

"I have several masters in my power, if you still wished to do so."

It made him flinch, the kindness that the man displayed, it had to be a trick.

"My Lord?" he said in confusion.

The man looked him up and down before hissing out, "Did you ever want power Severus?"

He was tempted to glare at the man, what kind of stupid question was that? He was a Slytherin.

Instead, he said, "I tried back in Hogwarts to use demon magic."

"Yes, your sister here has been trying the same thing."

"She succeed more than I did."

"But it is in your blood to use it. All you must do is embrace its fault."

So, he'd heard about what he'd done, probably from Selina. Demon magic required sacrifice, something Severus had tried hard not to use to gain his ability.

"I know the stories about you Severus," the Dark Lord hissed, "the people you murdered-"

"I hate to disappoint you, but I murdered none of them."

The Dark Lord looked at him, stony faced, for a long time, "Despite what you may think Severus, I don't take pleasure in murder. I merely want power. Do you want power?"

"Yes," he answered immediately, looking over the sleeping Selina.

"Good."

Severus looked back round.

"If you're anything like your sister you have power to control demon magic. And I'd hate to see that power go to waste. So, if it would please you, I could find someone to help you with your studies."

"You would do that?"

"If you promised to remain loyal to me for entirety."

It didn't seem like that bad an exchange.


	22. Chapter 22

Luc' was apparating with him this time to the meeting point for the Death Eaters, it felt good not to be alone when he landed. He had been over at the manor was the last three days, spending it mostly with Selina given how Cissa hated him and he hated Shylock. But where they landed filled him with instant dread. It was a block of flats that he had lived in with Rose less than six months ago.

"What are we going here Luc'?" he whispered, as more cracks snapped in the air, the sound muffled by the silencing shield cast around them. Luc' just should his head wildly, holding his shoulders stiffly as if he was about to throw up, a piece of blonde hair sticking out of the mask. Severus turned his focus to the crowd of black cloaks. There were a lot of them, more so than he had seen on any raid so far, more than dozen at least.

"-is to get inside and interrogated possible Mudbloods."

His stomach dropped. Rose. Shit.

"Everyone clear?" the man yelled the orders said to the crowd, who jeered and cheered at the request to hurt and maim the people who were essentially children. Why hadn't he known about this? They were only just requested to come here, no details. Perhaps the Dark Lord didn't trust him as much as he had thought. The Death Eaters in front of him started rushing in, Severus reluctantly following, wand out. The flats of the young witches and wizards reminded him of council houses. Most of the Death Eaters rushed into the flats on the ground floor, a few stampeding up the stairs, Severus joining them needing to find Rose. Below he could hear the screams of terrified teens and the shouts of curses being thrown. He didn't really understand how exactly they were meant to interrogate them and it appeared, neither did any of his comrades. Clearly the commotion had attracted the attention of those on the upper levels as a red-faced boy with blonde bleached dreadlocks came running down in black pyjamas wand pointing at Severus. He barely gave the boy thought sending him back with a disarming spell, running pass him as two Death Eater bound the boy and started punching him. Finally, he made it to the third floor where Rose was. The Death Eaters had already made their way up here, doors shattering, a rainbow of spells flying across the hall, a few students having barricaded their rooms with tables, shouting spells from behind them. But, though the door that led to Rose's room had also being shattered by a curse but no sound came out of it. With a heavy heart, he entered the room, but there was no sign of Rose, dead or alive. Her flat was overturned, papers ripped every cabinet door flung open, the kitchen table on its side and a red velvet chair he'd never seen before laid across the floor.

"Rose?" he hissed incredulously, taking off his mask, as the chair morphed into the young girl.

"Sev'?"

He helped her to her feet.

"What are you doing here?"

"No time to explain," he said, not _wanting_ to explain, "we have to get you out-"

Another Death Eater stepped through the door with his blonde hair sticking out of his cloak. Luc' looked between the two of them before taking off his mask to say something, a mistake Severus couldn't tell him to stop. Rose recognised him immediately.

"Malfoy?" she said and Luc' jumped, "Malfoy!" she screamed, lunging at him. Luc' was ready for her casting a shield which she bounced off, before sending a stupefying spell. She rolled out of the way of the curse, snarling like an animal, reaching for her own wand. It was like an intricate and deadly dance they were dancing, the light of the spells blinding Severus, destroying the apartment as they either ducked out of the way of the spells or deflected them. Severus dropped to the floor, the warm feeling of the spells flying over his head in gushes of wind. The lights of purple, blue, white and red soon turned to vivid green, both trying to kill the other. Severus risked to look up, watching the two dive out of each other's range. Then Rose stumbled and fell backwards into the green light. His heart stopped as she fell slowly the floor, Lucius' eyes widening in shock, before he bent over collecting his breath. But Rose was still moving, she _looked _up and then started laughing, Luc' too exhausted to notice.

"Guess you don't have the heart to kill me."

That made Luc' look up but it was too late, Rose casted ropes around him, making him topple over with a little scream.

Rose raised her wand, "Avada-"

"No!" Severus wasn't even aware he'd cast a spell. It was why he was so confused when Mary started tearing at her throat, gasping with rattling breath. She turned to him, eyes bulging and red face. She tried to walk over to him, but she didn't make it far, her skin tinging blue as she took one last rattling breath.


	23. Chapter 23

They didn't return to Malfoy Manor immediately. Severus wasn't sure where they had gone, all he knew was he was on a balcony looking down at blurry street lights and he had murdered Rose. Lily would never forgive him. Selina would never forgive him.

"You always had a thing for those Mudbloods."

Severus shrugged.

"it wasn't an insult."

Severus still didn't speak. This losing people thing was getting old, all his feelings of mourning drained from believing Selina was dead.

"She knew who I was."

"She believed," Severus started, before cleared his dry throat and continuing, "that your father killed her sister."

"You don't think-"

Severus shook his head before Luc' could finish, he didn't know what to think.

"Possibly. She could have attempted to kill your father. I don't know if she was the one to kill him."

"Unlikely given she was a Muggle."

Severus glared at him for speaking so ill of the recently dead.

"Sorry," he muttered and Severus put his head in his hands, tired.

"Was she the one that Selina loved?"

"No," he said, his voice muffled by his hands, "that was her sister."

"Well that's a good thing."

Once again Severus glared at him.

"Sorry," he repeated.

Severus sighed, leaning forward to look directly down at the ground below them as wind whistled over his head.

"Come on, we should head back."

How was he going to tell Selina? He didn't know. He still didn't know as he entered her room finding her, walking to the bookshelf, Shylock sitting in the chair next to her bed.

"Sev' we were wondering when you were going to return," Selina said smiling. She was still shaky on her feet but could move much better now as she hobbled towards him, a smile on her face. A lump formed in his throat.

"Were we?" Shylock muttered snidely. Severus looked at him.

"I need to speak to Selina," Shylock didn't move, "in private."

He looked up smiling cruelly, "now brother we don't have secrets in this family."

Rage filled him. He'd had enough today. He started to reach for his wand, but Selina reached forward for him, her finger slipping pass his skin, but he turned back to her. He reached out for him again and grabbed his hands.

"It's okay brother. Tell me."

Severus still looked at Shylock. Why did it seem so difficult to say it in front of Shylock? He wouldn't care. But Severus did and that made him weak.

He tried to phrase his words very carefully, "Do you know where I was?"

"No, a raid but apart from that…what happened?"

Severus felt like his mouth was filled with cotton, "we…er I was at the dorms, you know, the ones for students who have just left Hogwarts. I don't know why…they were just children."

He looked up at Selina, her eyes were filled with dread, her skin paled and the book in her hands falling as she lost hold of it.

She barely noticed it, "what happened?" she whispered again.

"Rose is dead," he regretted his blunt words but he didn't know how else to phrase it. Her tears welled up with tears as she froze. When the first one fell, she put her hands over her face, turning away from him and walking shakily to the bed.

"What? You don't still care about the Mudbloods?"

Selina stopped in front of Shylock, "get out," she said her voice wavering. He grinned now, standing up and for a second Severus thought he was going to listen, but he then grabbed Selina's hair and dragged her on to the bed.

"No!" he screamed finally getting his voice back and drew his wand. Shylock looked over at him lazily.

"Now we wouldn't want Selina to hurt herself anymore."

Severus wanted to scream, instead lifted his wand over his head and sent the mangle of spells at Shylock who was blasted into the wall. He rushed to Selina's side, wand still aimed at Shylock. The man turned around and snarled at his brother.

"No," Severus snapped, "get out."

Shylock continued to grumble maliciously but left without another word. Severus took his seat, watching Selina right herself and sit on the edge of her bed staring into nothing.

"Lily's fine," he said, finding nothing else to say, "I mean, she wasn't there obviously," he added when Selina looked around at him.

"You think…" she shook her head, "a girl is dead and you're trying reassure me Lily is not dead."

"I just thought-"

"How did she die?"

"Killing curse, it was quick," he said to the floor.

"Who?"

"Lucius."

"Severus."

His heart broke at the use of his proper name and looked up at her, his heart tearing itself into quarters at the devastation on her face.

"Look me in the eye and tell me Luc' killed Rose?"

He opened his mouth. He then shut it and looked back at the floor. Selina let go of his face, and he leaned with her as she moved away, lying down on top of the covers, staring blankly at the ceiling. She blamed him. He wanted to explain, Rose had wanted to kill Luc', Severus hadn't realised he'd been doing it. He couldn't, each reasoning sounded sour and he got up to leave.

"Stay with me."

He sat back down. It was awkward and they didn't talk but if Selina wanted him there he would be.

"Where have you been?"

Once again Severus found Black standing in front of him when he apparated in.

"Are you just always waiting for me to come back to your miserable home," Severus took deep satisfaction in the comical offended look that Black now has plastered on his face. He took the moment of pause to send a patronus charm to Dumbledore to tell him what had happened. "And more to the point I have been work behind the lines, putting my life on the line while you stay here."

"I go on mission," Sirius said hotly but without the slightest wavering, "I gather intel, you ain't special Snape."

It annoyed him that Black was probably telling the truth.

"Just get out of the away," he snapped, pushing past him to get upstairs. The room of the house that had been labelled as his felt unslept in since he hadn't been back in ages. He landed on his front, collapsing on the bed, exhausted. He didn't know if he did get any sleep but he felt like it was only moment when bright light burned through his eye lids. He shielded his eyes with his hand as Dumbledore voice echoed through the room.

"I will be there in three minutes."

Then the patronus faded. He banged his head into the mattress knowing he needed to get up. He grumbled down the upstairs and walked into the kitchen. He stopped, winded as he saw Lily sipping tea. She was drinking a cup of tea and her sister had just been strangled to death. She was _blowing on it_. The simple action didn't seem like it should exist in the same universe as the dead corpse of one's sibling's.

"Hello Sev'."

"H-hi. How…how are you?"

"Oh. Pregnant." She smiled smugly before taking another sip. How the hell was he meant to tell her about Rose after that? Lucky, or perhaps not Lily look up and said quietly, "I know what happened with Rose."

The room fell silent, "What?" his echoed in the large room. She shrugged. Shrugged at her sister's death.

"How?" was all he could say; all he could get through his confusion. She tapped her forehead.

"I saw it."

She had to be lying, this had to be some sort of sick joke. If she had seen her sister's blue lips and last moments of begging Severus for life, she wouldn't be speaking to him as if they were old friends.

"Then… why didn't you…"

"Sometimes you learn to let things go."

He didn't believe it. He wanted to tear at his hair and scream at her for her passiveness. While he still felt the wave of shock that he always felt when killing someone still but she should be mourning where he wasn't. she should be angry at him, scream and cry at him.

"Severus."

He turned around, Dumbledore's eyes were always twinkling. He wondered if they would continue to do that as they got further into the war. He looked back down at Lily who was _still drinking tea_. She got up leaving without looking back at Severus who watched her, mouth agape as she left the room.

"Severus."

He looked around mouth still open, shaking.

"They killed them," was all he could say, slumping into a chair, "they killed them."


	24. Chapter 24

He didn't really know what he was saying to Dumbledore, he couldn't barely pay attention to staying upright let alone what he brain was saying. He just let it all flow out, still in the small apartment with Rose.

"I know."

He was still talking at a minute past before he realised he had been spoken to.

He blinked, "excuse me?"

"I know that Tom was trying to do, luckily we were able to get most the graduates out before any real damage."

"Real…people are _dead_. Children are dead."

"It was unfortunate."

"What? Aren't you supposed to be the…good guys or something?" he barely could get the words out, wincing at the crude term as his brain struggled to articulate.

"Let us not forget who attack them." Dumbledore's voice had turned cold.

Severus stood up, his chair falling to the floor, "_I _joined for _you_. Don't you ever forget that. All of this I did for you, because you _blackmailed_ me with my own child!"

"Keep your voice down."

He bit his tongue, "who even told you?"

"My boy you are not my only source of information," he said his eyes twinkling.

"No, I guess not." He spun round and marched out the room, colliding with Johanna on the other side. She looked him up and down unabashed. He didn't want to have to ask how much she'd heard but the look of pity told him she'd heard something. He stormed up the stairs not caring for now. Was he angry because he realised that if he died Dumbledore could easily replace him or because people were dead? He didn't know which made him slam his head on his door.

"We need to talk Severus."

He knew it was childish but sitting against the door was the only way of keeping anyone from coming in. he remained silent as Johanna hammered on the door.

"Severus you will open this door. Stop being a child!"

He had killed an innocent child, he didn't think childish was a thing he could do anymore.

"Tell me Dumbledore meant, Snape!"

He didn't move and wondered how long she'd wait there. Knowing her, probably until one of them starved. He didn't have long to wonder what he'd eat while he tried to outwait her when a gleaming silver snake slithered through the wall. His head hit the door in shock as he had to repeat to himself that it was a patronus.

"Come over," was it said, the voice of Evans echoing around the room. Johanna stopped banging on the door.

"Severus? Who's in there?"

"Come over." It repeated. He looked at the door, then lunged at the snake let it apparate them to wherever Evans was.


End file.
